Going On After You
by frenchiecangal
Summary: Reincarnation fic- Miaka and Taka move to America, but something happens to Taka, leaving Miaka alone. However, she realizes that there is a resemblence between old friends and some new friends of hers, and finds out many new things. **fin**
1. Prolouge

Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi, as it belongs to Yu Watase. K?  
  
Notes: Ok, this is a fan fic that I hope no one came up with. I thought this up in math class, waiting for that bell to ring, and I've been thinking about it all day. I don't want to summarize it, but it's partially AU, it's a reincarnation story, it will end with an alternate pairing, and Taka, AKA Tamahome will die. I'm sorry for killing him, Tama fans, but I've been trying to do an alternate pairing fic for a while. And I don't have the heart to make Taka mean to Miaka, or have him cheat or so forth. They love each other too much to do that, and I couldn't possibly break them up while one of them is still alive. I think that they couldn't break up while the other is still alive, so killing him off is the only way in my mind.  
  
Oh!!!!!! Miaka's about... let's see... 23, and Taka's... 26. The third OVA never happened, but Mayo's in it for some reason which I have yet to think up, Miaka and Taka have no kids, this is always be in Miaka's POV, and... umm... I'll start now...  
  
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Miaka's POV   
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"Oh Taka! Everything's so gorgeous!!!!!!" I cried out, looking around what would be our new home. The small apartment was perfect for the two of us, as we had no had any children... yet. I glanced around, looking at every corner, trying to imagine where I could put everything after unpacking, when Taka put his arms around me, gently kissing my neck. I smiled and put my small arms around his muscular arms, leaning into him. I could feel his smile upon my neck, and smiled as well. Despite being thousands of miles from family, friends, and everything I've ever know, I felt happy, knowing that whatever happened would be because of me and Taka. No one else was here to help us; it was only us, not someone else's labor.   
  
"Miaka, you're excited already, and you haven't even gone out!" Taka said, his voice muffled from, due to the fact that his mouth was preoccupied by reining kissed upon my neck, each word coming out before a kiss. I smiled, and remembered all the troubles we went through to get here, and all the promises I made to Yui-chan about being sure to get a picture of everything. How I wish she was here. But, she can't be, by doctor's orders. How bad must it be to be pregnant with twins and not being able to fly out with a life long friend and help her move into her home in a new and strange country? I felt so sorry for Tetsuya, him being the only one who could silence her cries when we parted at the airport. Well, no matter. Yui-chan's about, what, four or five months pregnant. I'll see her once the twins are born. I wonder what she'll name them. I remember asking that if they're boys, if she'll name them after Amiboshi and Suboshi, but...  
  
"Miaka! Are you in there somewhere?" I hear Taka asking me. I turned swiftly and smiled at him, his eyes dancing with amusement while his mouth formed a straight line. As hard as he tried to be stern with me, he never could, even after all these years.   
  
"Yeah, Taka, I'm here," I said, my voice trying to not laugh at how familiar the question Taka had just asked was. I walked forwards, towards our small kitchen, not noticing the huge box in front of me. I tripped over it, but just as quickly grabbed the countertop to avoid my fall. All those years of klutz-ness and falling had come in handy when preventing falling to the ground after tripping now. I was about to kick the box in small rage, when I noticed Taka's neat handwriting, the kanji revealing the box to hold our most precious possessions. I lowered my foot down to the ground, and dropped to my knees, opening it. Taka came beside me, and opened it for me, pulling out a ton of Styrofoam peanuts that covered our things. As the floor slowly filled with the color of white, thanks to the peanuts, our possessions slowly came into view. We pulled each out gently out, cherishing each object.  
  
First was the photo from our wedding. That came as a first anniversary present from Onii-chan and his girlfriend of what, five years?, Mayo Sakai. Mayo was two years younger than me, and had somehow found out about the Shi Jin Ten Chi Sho. Thankfully, nothing happened with her and the book, but she was admitted into our 'secret', if you would call it that. We all love Mayo to death, especially Onii-chan. He was the one who convinced us to not tell her to forget about everything. Looking at the picture not only reminded me of all the happiness of mine and Taka's wedding day, but, somehow, of a small reminder of a future visit back home, but not to visit Yui-chan and her babies when she gives birth, but to finally see my Onii-chan get married. I actually think he's happier than he shows.  
  
Next was a picture from Yui-chan and Tetsuya's wedding three years ago. It was me, Yui-chan, Mayo-chan, Fue, and Morin. While Yui-chan was wearing her wedding dress, the rest of us were in our bridesmaid gowns. Our faces were flushed from all the dancing we did earlier (maybe ten minutes ago!), but our faces also shown certain happiness I couldn't describe, especially in our eyes. It was our favorite picture of us, and each one of us had a copy in our homes.  
  
The last picture I pulled out was the one of my seishi, and me when Taka was still Tamahome. This was my favorite, and I am still deeply in debt to Tetsuya for enlargening it and framing it for my twentieth birthday. This one was always present in my room, as it was my favorite of all my possessions, besides my true wedding ring, the one Tamahome gave to me when I was fifteen. The picture was cherished by both Taka and I, and we planned to face it in front of our bed, reminding us each waking morning four long-lost friends, each of them pulling for us so we could be together- no matter what.   
  
The other possessions were the ones each of us refused to live without. In my case, it was a few snacks and the bracelets I received from my dear friend Nuriko at the hour of death. My eyes for some reason swelled with tears, remembering the painful loss that he suffered. No matter how many my head tried to convince me he was human, the loss still stuck out and dug it's way into my heart, forever burning me with hatred for the Seiryuu seishi Ashitare, for killing one of my dear friends. Not just Nuriko, but Chiriko, Mitsukake, and lastly, Hotohori, who all died while trying to stop the opposing group of warriors. I miss them all so much.  
  
Taka saw my tears and pulled me close to him, his arms running up and down my back to comfort me. As my tears flew from eyes down my checks, Taka continued his comforting for me, trying to stop my tears. I smiled, knowing that he only lived for my happiness, as he told me many times. I love him so much, and I don't know what I'd do without him here, right by my side.   
  
As my tears silenced, Taka dug deeper into box. His smile lit up as he discovered his box of money. Of course, he brought some (which happened to be a bit of an understatement) on the plane with him, but this box had been in the baggage compartment, and Taka had been nervous the entire flight, wondering if someone stole his money. I remembered laughing at him and how antsy he was, waiting for our entire luggage to come, just to check on his money. As my tears silenced, they were replaced slowly by laughs of happiness, and pure joy. Taka joined in as I settled down, proving the statement laughing is contagious.  
  
As we settled down, I sighed. Taka looked at me and smiled slightly, then grabbed my chin for a quick kiss. I kissed him back before he got up and went searching for the phone. He soon found one packed away in a box, and plugged it in.  
  
"Thank god that we had the phone lines installed before, eh?" he asked me as he cleared a bit of room on an end table that had a phone book and a few papers Taka needed for his job, the entire reason we were here in America. He flipped through the phone book, and found what he was looking for, and he picked up the phone, dialing the number he had found. "Hello, I was just..."   
  
Taka's voice slowly faded out as I took our small book with our most prized possessions, and lugged it into the only bedroom in this place- our bedroom. In there was our bed, two dressers, a bookcase, and six or seven boxes; each one marked with what it held. I put the box down and picked up the picture of my seishi, and me preparing to hang it where Taka had put the stud to hang it. I hung it without much trouble, and placed the other pictures upon my wall. I then grabbed a box, and dug in it, seeing that it was full of my clothes. I smiled, and opened one dresser, and began to put in all my clothes. Taka came in, and leaned against the door, watching me. I turned to him, seeing why he suddenly pulled out the phone.  
  
"I called a pizza place, and ordered a pizza," he said to me, smiling slightly.  
  
"But I could've made dinner!" I complained to him. His eye began to twitch, and I laughed at him as he attempted to hide it. I knew that when the eye began to twitch, he was a bit upset or nervous about something, and I smiled, seeing it.  
  
"Don't tell me my eye's twitching!" he cried out to me, as my smiled turned to laughs. He smiled, and turned, throwing his arms in the air behind him. "I give up!" he cried to the world, as he walked away into what would be our dining room, and picked up a box, and placed it on the table.  
  
While we waited for the pizza to arrive, the both of us silently unpacked, every so often exclaiming a cry of joy or surprise after seeing something we had packed away just a few weeks ago, as we tied up all little knots so we could move here. Of course, I had more things to tie up, seeing how Taka was the one being transferred to America. As much as I missed my home in Japan, I was excited to be here. The only thing I was nervous about was learning English. In school, English was not my best subject, and I didn't go to college, thus leaving me behind. I worked with Yui-chan for a few months to get my skills back up when I learned I'd be moving here, but I still wasn't fully perfected. Taka, however, was just the opposite. Although his major in college was Chinese Theology, he told me hundreds of times about how his grandparents had lived in America from the time he was two to about the time when he turned thirteen, and also about how he went to America with a foreign exchange program when he was 17, just 2 years before we met... Due to these circumstances, and the frequent business trips to America, he had a firm grasp on the language, and was determined to help me learn, for which I was much grateful. Taka also figured I'd pick up the language by listening to everyone talk, which I had been doing since I arrived here last night.  
  
As thoughts flew through my head, the pizza boy must have came without my knowing, because the next thing I knew, Taka had shut the door, and the delicious smell of pizza was invading my nose, causing my huger to multiply by hundreds. I made a mad dash for Taka, the pizza my prey. I grabbed the box, and opened it, grabbing a piece of the pizza. Taka grinned at me as I wolfed it down, and put the box on an abandoned table with nothing on it.   
  
As we finished the pizza, we said nothing, but just smiled at each other, until we reached the other piece. Each of us lunged to grab it, but Taka snatched it up first, and as a victory dance, stuck the end into his mouth, as if to mock me.  
  
"Taka! I wanted it!"  
  
"Miaka, if we keep letting that appetite of yours keep control of this place, I'll be dead in a few week," he told me, grinning slightly.   
  
"You know you don't have to be so mean," I pouted at him. He just smiled at me, and kept eating. I sighed, and turned away from him, and continued unpacking, this time my attention focused from the living room to the kitchen. I pulled out and new box, even though I hadn't finished with the box I had worked on earlier.  
  
"You really know how to hold a grudge, dont you?" I ignored Taka, until he up behind me, putting his arms around my waist. "I guess I was right," he continued after kissing my collarbone slowly, up to my neck. I squirmed a bit, and tried to stop him, but after many passion filled kisses on his part, I gave up. Who could blame me? After all, he is my husband.  
  
The next morning, Taka and I almost furiously unpacked. We barely stopped, but still didn't get the majority of packages done. Also, another set of boxes came in from Yui-chan, who agreed to send us our things a bit at a time so we didn't have to bring everything at once. My only words? Bless Yui-chan's soul for as long as she lives. After 7-ish that night, Taka and I stopped, and once again ordered out, this time Chinese. We ate talking merrily, remembering how many memories we struck up, unpacking these boxes. After we ate, Taka stood up suddenly, and pulled me up with the same amount of energy.  
  
"We haven't done anything since we got here but unpack," he cried out. "We should go out and do something."  
  
"Bu- but..." I started off, but Taka kept rambling. He suddenly turned to me with an innocent, boy-ish smile on his face.  
  
"Wanna see a movie?" he asked me.  
  
"Taka, where would we go? How would I understand, and how-"  
  
"Miaka, Miaka, Miaka. You worry too much. Either we can see one we already saw, or I can explain to you what's going on in the theater. It's not that big of a deal!" I still wavered though. "What?"  
  
"Umm..." I started off, but not knowing how to state the fact I knew something was going to happen, but I soon dropped it. Taka smiled at me, and grabbed me, pulling me in for a quick kiss before the two of us ran of to change into something other than the grimy clothes that we had brought with us. And after much debate and pleas, we finally left the house dressed and ready for a movie in half an hour about an hour after Taka suggested we go.  
  
We walked outside, hand in hand, down to the parking lot, where the car we had rented the day before stood, it's black coat glistening in the light of the lamppost. We climbed in, and drove off, preparing to go to the movie theater. But we never made it.  
  
We had been in the car for maybe five minutes, just talking between the two of us, when all of a sudden, a red car slammed right into the left side of the car, the side Taka was on. I had no idea what had happened afterwards, the slam of the car knocked me out, as well as Taka. The only thing I knew after the crash was the constant prayers I prayed to Suzaku, the constant pleas. 'Please let us be all right, Suzaku. We beat the odds once. Help us, please. Please, protect us.'  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I have no idea how long this will be, or what will happen, although I have a basic idea, but I'll try to stick it out. If the crash sucked, know this: I hate writing about violence, and I can't do it. Well, please review for me!!!! If you do, I'll stick it out longer, and I'll put out chapters sooner. And, it'll increase my self-esteem. Ja ne!  
  
~Frenchie 


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own FY, as Yu Watase does. If I owned it, would I be filling out this disclaimer?  
  
How are you all today? I'm cool, although I kinda need to say I'm so sorry for killing off Taka, because, as you'll see here, he dies. It was so hard, and I hate killing people off or writing in fights, so my stuff will normally be either very sappy or angsty, not violent. And since Taka dies and I can't stand leaving Miaka alone, I'll put her with someone. I'm not telling who, but it'll be a seishi and... Umm... first one to guess who it is will... umm... know, cuz I'll email them, if you ask who it. I'll be nice like that. And, I'm so sorry to Miaka and Taka fans. I put in some stuff with them in the first chappie!!! I'm not that mean!!! Wait, what was that for?   
  
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Miaka's POV   
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"-Roy, but I have no idea how much longer she'll be unconscious," said a deep, yet familiar voice. Where am I?  
  
"But she's been out for almost two weeks!" cried out a voice, just like Keisuke's... my older brother. Why is he here?  
  
"Yes, I know, but the accident she went through was extremely traumatizing, especially to her head," said another familiar voice, although I couldn't put my finger on who it was. Why did it seem like Chiriko's voice, only deeper? "We're doing all we can now, but she needs time to wake up."  
  
"How much longer do you think it will take for Miaka to wake up?" asked a voice much like Mayo's. Wait, they were talking about me? Why? Aren't I just fine? And why is my head killing me?  
  
"I don't know," said the first voice I heard when I woke up. Hey, aren't I in America? How come I can understand everything? And will my eyes ever open? Wait, too late, they opened. And it's so bright! Would someone turn off a light?  
  
"Huh? Miaka?! Are you up?" cried out a voice. Yep- Keisuke was definitely here. Why though? I'm ok, right?  
  
"Wh- what... hap-" I started to say, but was interrupted by the person with the deep voice, who sounded very much like Mitsukake.  
  
"You and you're husband were in a car accident two weeks ago. You both were hit by a drunk driver, who is now in prison, without bail, for a hit and run. You're lucky to be alive right now, the impact of the crash was that bad," said the man, almost emotionless, as if he had done this before, knowing the reaction. When I looked at him, and my vision still isn't perfect, but he looks almost like Mitsukake, strangely. But how? And what abo-  
  
"Taka!" I cried out, sitting straight up. As I sat up, my lower back flashed in pain, and I cried out in pain involuntarily. Keisuke and Mayo looked at me sorrowfully, as if keeping something from me. I glanced back and forth from one to another, and noticed the tears upon Mayo's face. "Mayo, why, why are you crying? And what's going on?" My voice dropped to a whisper, and I was afraid to see why she was crying, why they stared at me. And why Taka wasn't here.  
  
"We'll let you explain to her alone," said Mits- wait, the man with the deeper voice. He seems so much like my dear, yet lost friend Mitsukake, not by looks alone, but it couldn't be him... right? And the boy next to him- his resemblance to Chiriko...  
  
"Miaka? Are you in there?" I heard Keisuke say to me. I turned to look at him, and the look on his face shot me through a loop.  
  
"Onii-chan? What- what's going on? And where is Taka?" I demanded, trying to find out. My voice was much stronger than my heart, which cried out the truth to me. Wait, it's not the truth, is it? Is he gone? Is he still here with me, just hurt? What... where... Taka?  
  
"Miaka, I really... well... you need to know..." Keisuke started off.  
  
"Know what?!" I cried out, and then flinched, my back causing pain again. Mayo reached out to me, pushing me back gently onto my pillow, and her tears that stopped running down her checks continued, and she pulled her hand across her check to wipe away her tears, only to have them reappear. She turned to me, and with a half-smile, she opened her mouth.  
  
"Miaka, this is so hard to say, please don't get angry," she pleaded with me, her words almost silenced by her constant tears. I've never seen her cry this much. What is wrong? I've known her for about five years, and in all that time, almost all of her tears that she's shed were ones of happiness, or joy. These tears, however, weren't shared by the same emotions I've seen her cry over before. These were tears of pain, and I was afraid to see why. I mean, she cried less when Taka and I had moved.  
  
"Mayo," I said gently, my hand trying to come up to wipe away the lone tear that fell of her face, when my hand was suddenly numbed by pain. I turned to look at it, and an ugly purple bruise covered the hand, and a white bandage covered the palm, where it quickly turned a harsh black. The gasp that came from my mouth numbed me again. How could this have happened?  
  
"Mayo," I heard Keisuke say silently as I inspected my hand. "I'll take care of Miaka and tell her. Why don't you call Yui-chan, I know she's waiting by the phone." Keisuke then dropped down to Mayo's height, and kissed her lightly upon her lips fast before Mayo left the room silently, only looking back when she reached the door, to look that the two of us.  
  
"Keisuke, what is going on?" I asked him sternly. He looked at me, and sighed.  
  
"I hate being the one to tell you this, but I need to, for your sake." Keisuke's face told me he was being serious, that something was the matter.  
  
"Is, is it about Taka?" I asked meekly. Keisuke nodded, and my heart stopped beating; it fell apart. There were no emotions but shock, pain, and heartbreak. My eyes filled with tears immediately, and Keisuke reached out to me, and wrapped his arms around me, giving me temporary relief to the pain I was feeling. The pain was not like scraping my knee, or anything else akin to that kind of pain. I knew there was something wrong with Taka, I knew it. What, however, was beyond me. Is he still alive?  
  
Keisuke backed up, letting me go. I stared at him for a minute, my eyes filled with tears. I shut my eyes, hoping to clear them from my tears, and when I had wiped away my tears, I saw tears in Keisuke's eyes also. This wasn't anything minor; something really bad happened to Taka that night.  
  
"Miaka, I'm so sorry to say this, but that night..." Keisuke trailed off, his face blank, not holding any emotions, just as Nakago's once did. "That night, the two of you were hit by a drunk driver, on Taka's side of the car." Keisuke choked on his words, and he started again, this time telling me the costs of that accident. "You and Taka were both knocked out, and after a day or so, Taka woke up, and died a few-" Keisuke choked again, as I gasped, my eyes filling to the brim. "He died a few hours later. I'm so sorry Miaka." Keisuke wrapped his arms around me, while I sat up in shock. My husband, the man I love... is dead? How? Why? What did we do? We went through so much, but he's gone now? I'm never going to see him again.  
  
I broke down into tears again. My arms rose up to clench to my older brother, his arms tightening around me. My pain ran deeper than his; after all, he lost a friend, a brother. I lost the love of my life, my soul mate, my best friend. We went through so much just to be together, and now...  
  
The door opened. Keisuke and I looked up, only to see Mayo, her eyes brimmed with red from crying. She gave me a shy smile, afraid to see what I knew. My eyes shut to avoid the tears, but they still came, this time deeper than the ones from before. Mayo rushed over to my bed and wrapped her arms around me, and cried with me. Keisuke wrapped his arms around the two of us, and gently rubbed my back, assuring me that I'd be ok someday. But how, I'll never know. At least for now...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Ok, got that over with. It's not that long, but I think it's kinda a good ending, considering the scene laid before us. I know it got angsty there, but it could've been worse- the worse losses I went though was my grandfather's death when I was 11, and my cousin's death when I was 9. There have been a few others in my families, but those were the worst. I also have no idea how to display Miaka's emotions for the next few chapters, so any help is appreciated.  
  
Anyways, I really wanna say thank you sooooooooooooooooo much to all new reviewers. I never expected people to review for this, but I was mistaken, thank god. I love checking my email now and hearing what people say. It's so cool, and really makes my day much brighter seeing how people respond. I love you all!!!  
  
And I am sooooooooo sorry to Yushi. I know it's not Miaka and Taka, but please stick with me. NightMare, thanks for the tip. Shunu no Miko, was this soon enough? I'm a bit of a procrastinator, so... And Niki, thanks for the complement!!!!! And I *kinda* explained the bunny suit thingie. Phoe-kun, thank you soooooooooo much!!!!! I had a feeling you'd read this, and you reviewed!!! Thank you!!!!! And keep going with yer fic!!!! And to the anonymous reviewer, I got the review finishing this chappie, so it helped me out a bit with getting this on paper... computer... whatever... And everyone else who read, thank you!!!!! Luv yas!!!! Hope ya review!!!!  
  
~Frenchie 


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: As previously said before, I do not own FY, and I do not intend on buying it, unless I get a million dollars. Poor me…  
  
OMIGOD!!!!!! You all are so sweet!!!!!!! Thank you so much!!!!!!!! I'm droning on and on and on, but below I put in a few thank yous and other notes, just so I don't fill you all with droning now and cause you to leave and not read my angsty fic.   
  
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"Miaka? Is that you?!" I heard through the phone. I smiled, and tears filled my eyes remembering how many times I was scolded by Taka for running up a phone bill and wasting precious money when Yui-chan lived five minutes away when you walk.   
  
"Yeah, it's me Yui-chan," I said, me words almost swallowed up by my coming sobs. Yui-chan immediately began with her questions, and strangely enough, her questions were furiously asked and almost muted by her sobs.  
  
"Omigod, are you ok? What's going on right now? How are you feeling? Wha-" she then broke down into her sobs, and I didn't hear anything for a bit, but her sobbing and Tetsuya's frequent murmuring for her to calm down. My eyes overflowed with tears again, missing how it felt to be in Taka's arms just from hearing Tetsuya's repeated mantra for Yui-chan to silence her tears.   
  
"Are you ok?" I asked gently as our sobbing reduced. Weird, how it is. No matter how far apart we are, it seems as if we're right next to each other, the way we're talking, and how many tears we're shedding.   
  
"I'm fine, it's you I'm worried about!" she cried out. I heard Tetsuya groan, and heard some sort of creaking. Were they in bed? Oops- time zones. Forgot about that. Bad time to call, Miaka. They were asleep idiot.  
  
"Yui-chan, I'm fine! It's ok!" I said, my voice becoming much more optimistic than it should be.   
  
"Bullshit!" Yui-chan cried out. My mouth dropped at her exclamation, and I began to wonder why she was swearing, when I seldom heard her swear. "Miaka, I'm your best friend. I've known you for almost twenty years now, and, for some reason, you always pull that shit! Stop acting like there's nothing wrong, because you know there is something wrong!"  
  
"Yui-chan," I said meekly. She hit a mark in my heart. But, then again, she is right.   
  
"Why is it that you always hide your feelings? You don't need to with me, Miaka. And you know that! I don't know why-"  
  
"Neither do I, but it's just, it's just-" I tried to talk, but my emotions bubbled over, and I couldn't control them. They spilled out into tears, and they fell heard. They were the strongest tears I had cried in the past two days, where all I did was lie awake, thinking about how Taka was gone, how he'd never return, how I'd never see his smiling face again. I was even there for his funeral; I was still unconscious. It was these things that set me off, and it was these things that would condemn me for the rest of my life.   
  
"Miaka, I'm sorry for exploding at yo-" Yui-chan started, but I cut her off, temporarily postponing my tears, holding them back.  
  
"No, Yui-chan, please don't be," I said, all the while holding back tears that threatened to fall. "You know it's true that I hold everything back, don't be sorry," I pleaded with her. Then, the tears held back fell, and hard. I heard Yui-chan crying, and that threw me through a loop.  
  
"Why, why are you crying?" I asked though my tears.  
  
"Miaka, you little idiot," I heard Yui-chan say through her tears. "Of course I'm crying. You're my best friend, and you-" Yui-chan stopped, and sobbed for a second, which got me crying, and before I knew it, the two of us were hysterical, tears streaming from my eyes as if there's no tomorrow, and Yui-chan's sobs were the only thing I heard for the next few minutes. Finally, the two of us calmed down a bit, and that's when I realized that there was a nurse at the door.  
  
"Yui-chan, I need to go now," I said to her as my tears diminishing slowly, noticing the nurse. "I have to do something here at this hospital, and I gotta go."  
  
"Al- all right, I'll let you go," Yui-chan said so sadly. "Bye."  
  
"Bye Yui-chan. Say 'hi' to Tetsuya for me."  
  
"All right. You just get well soon, and come home someday. Everyone misses you, especially me."  
  
Alright, I'll try to come home soon."  
  
"And Tetsuya and I will pay for it," Yui-chan said, a bit too proudly. I heard Tetsuya groan in the background, making me giggle a bit.  
  
"Bye, Yui-chan. Be sure to cal-"  
  
"Yeah, I got it! If the twins come in a month or two, before they're due, I'll have Tetsuya call you and book you a flight." I heard her giggle and Tetsuya groan again.  
  
"Well, I really need to go now. Bye."  
  
"Bye." We both hung up, and the nurse walked over to me. Strangely enough, I had discovered her to be fluent in Japanese, making her my nurse for the day, when I was up. My doctor- the one who looked like Mitsukake- was also fluent, as well as his intern, AKA Chiriko, or at least in looks, giving me an advantage to put off learning more English for a bit.  
  
"Well, are you ready to get those bandages on your head removed and replaced after your x-ray?" I heard my nurse, Sage, said to me. I looked at her, and had a sense of déjà vu, as if I was staring at… what was her- oh, Shouka. I have no idea why that just happened, but it did. Sage must've been named for her long, sage-green hair, which was looped twice on each side of her head and the loop ends fell past her waist. "Miaka?"  
  
"Oh! Sorry! I'm here!" I said, my voice coming out much happier than I felt. It was strange really… I always do this. The only person who held their feelings back as much as I did was Chichiri. He never really told anyone about his past…  
  
"Well, since you're here, let's get you wheeled off." Sage said to me, pulling out the wheelchair that had been placed in my room, since I could barely feel them. They were numb because, according to what I heard, they had been impaled with an extreme amount of glass from the windshield, and they needed to remove all of them. I hadn't felt anything due to the fact my veins were hit, but I was told I could still regain feeling- but when I did, it was going to be painful.  
  
Sage walked over to me, and I sat up, and tried to swing my legs over the bed. Key word: tried. Sage ended up having to help me get my legs on the side of the bed, and somehow, we both managed to get me into the wheelchair.  
  
"So, Miaka, where's your brother right now?" Sage asked me as she wheeled me off into the x-ray room.  
  
"He and Mayo are at-" I stopped for a second, remembering where they were: my home, the one Taka and I had chosen to live at together. "They're at my apartment."  
  
"Oh. Is he staying there?"  
  
"Yeah. It's cheaper than a hotel, and he didn't have to come out here too, so…" I trailed off.  
  
"But he did. And that means that he must be a caring older brother, doesn't it? He's always cared about you, hasn't he?"  
  
"Yeah…" I trailed off, remembering when I was fifteen, and was taken into the Shi Jin Ten Chi Sho. He never had to do that research on the book, but he did. He's always like that. I actually never knew why girls didn't fall for him.   
  
"Hey, Sage, when did you start working here?"  
  
"Oh! My mother signed me up to volunteer when I was fifteen, and well, I liked it enough, so I didn't stop working here!"  
"Do you like working here?"  
  
"Oh, yes, I always will! The children here are positively adorable!" Sage is so sweet! I'm actually glad she's my nurse, because just talking with her makes me smile, remembering the talks Yui-chan and I always had. They were always fun between the two of us, and it was always fun to make Tetsuya and Ta- Taka.  
  
"Miaka, are you ok?" Sage asked me. "You look like you're going to cry."  
  
"Its just, well…" I trailed off. How can you put pain like this into words?  
  
"Are you sure you're ok, Miaka?"  
  
I tried to get myself back together, and shook my head slightly to get rid of the tears forming behind my eyes. Big mistake. I clutched my head in pain for a brief second, remembering at the last second possible that my head had almost gone through a window, and it was also one of the more painful parts of my body affected.   
  
"Miaka?" I heard Sage cry out to me after stopping the wheelchair. "Are you ok? What happened?"  
  
"I, I'm all right," I said lamely after a moment. It wasn't the truth however; my head was not feeling fine.   
  
"Hmm..." Sage said, as she began to push the wheelchair again down the endless hall. She continued to push me down the hall until we got to the desired room for my x-ray. Then, for the next half an hour, nearly ever part of my body was x-rayed, and parts like my head were repeated constantly, as they were the worst damaged parts of my body. The entire thing left me both tired and bored as Sage wheeled me off to my room. I couldn't sleep until Sage removed the bandages, however, and she had some help with doing that. And her helper…  
  
A woman with long, light-purple hair, pulled back simply, walked into the room. Was that my Nuriko?  
  
"Miaka, this is Heather, another one of the nurses here. And, lucky for you, she's also fluent in Japanese," Sage told me. I smiled at her, doubting that she was Nuriko. After all, Nuriko's was a man, and didn't have a chest, unlike women. But for some reason, she reminded me of Hou-  
  
"Nice to meet you, Miaka," Heather said to me, smiling. I smiled back at her, and reached out to shake her hand, which she shook pleasantly.  
  
"Well, Miaka, I'm afraid I can't prepare you for what you're legs under the bandages will look like, but be prepared," Sage said to me as she brought over a large roll of ace bandages. My eyes opened wide, and I prepared myself for the worst, but was in for a rude awakening. My legs were now bruised purple and black, dried blood almost clinging to my cuts and scratches, soon to be scars. Just seeing my legs scared me, and suddenly it was painful, knowing what my legs looked like. I turned away, and stared out the window, not wanting to see my legs.  
  
As soon as they finished my legs, and replaced the bandages for my head, I laid myself down on my bed, and curled myself into a ball, as best as I could. I sat there for what seemed like almost an eternity, and did nothing but block out all thoughts, memories, and everything in my mind. I didn't want to think, to feel. I only wanted to sit here until I was gone from here, and once again be with Taka. I miss him so much. What am I going to do without him?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Well, it's done. I'll keep going tho- just as long as you all review!!! Please?  
  
KittyLynne: Thank you soooooooooo much for all your help!!!! I appreciate it so much!!! It's actually a huge help thingie for me, and I thank you so much. And actually, no, I didn't know that it was National Chemical Abuse Awareness Week. But that's a cool thing to know! Thank you!!!!!!!  
Niki: Thank you!!!! I guess I'm writing it this way cuz... well… Miaka is an adult now. And yes, we should somehow put Tasuki in bunny suit, somehow. Ya know how much that would make our day?!   
  
Well, I'm done! Review please!!! It's all I'm asking for!!!! I'll love ya forever!!!!!  
  
~Frenchie 


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own FY; it belongs to Yu Watase, sole creator, to which we owe much for coming up with the idea.  
  
Hello! What's up? Nothing here, although I'm going to bore you for a bit.   
  
First of all, I have no idea of anything remotely medical. So, if you know anything about medicine and things of that sort, and I mess up, I'm sorry. I'm just a high school kid who knows nothing. The last time I was in a hospital for an overnighter was when I was four or five, so…  
  
And, I have kind of a basic idea of where this is going, and I definitely know who shows up when. Unfortunately for some (like me!), Tasuki and Nuriko don't show up until later. I'll put them in a bit later, but the way this is going… And, I'm going to be evil for a bit and go on and on with the hospital scene. The way this story is going, the hospital is kind of a central place in the story, but I still need to figure out what's going to happen from after I put in everyone to the end.   
  
And, this weekend, I'm trying out for the annual musical at my school. I'll probably put up posts slower when practice starts. I just hope I get a part. Well, nuff ranting!!! Let's get this thing going!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Ne, Miaka, do you feeling alright?" I looked up, and saw my doctor, the one who looked like Mitsukake. I stared at him for a moment, almost mistaking him for my dear friend. It could be him, but then again it couldn't… Mitsukake had a bit longer hair, and I never could see him as talkative as my doctor… what was his name again? I learned it a few days ago, but I had snapped out of it soon after learning it, thus the reason I forgot it.  
  
I opened my mouth and said I was fine, but my doctor came by my bed, and sat down next to me. I wondered what he was going to do next, but he opened his mouth, and began talking.  
  
"Miaka, I know this is a hard time for you, but you're recovery isn't going to get any better if you sit there and do nothing but sulk. I realize how hard this may be for you, but you need to concentrate on getting better, no matter how guilty or upset you may feel." I stared at him, and wondered why he was doing this to me, and how familiar the tone of voice was. Mitsukake used this sort of voice with me after Nuriko died, and we need to get the shinzaho. "Now, if you truly wish, I know someone, a friend of mine actually, to talk to you, maybe help you feel better. I know it won't help that much, but maybe it will help just a bit. And you might need that, considering how much friendship is important to recovery. A lonely person with nothing to live for heals much slower than a person who has a reason to live. The will to live is a strong gift, which may just help in the time of death." I stared at him again. Why did this seem like the thing Mitsukake would say? And who is this person? And why does everyone care? Well, I guess I need to say something.  
  
"Umm… thank you for your concern, but…"   
  
"You're my patient. I should be concerned for you. Enough as I enjoy their company, I'd rather have them out of the hospital and well than here and sick." Michael smiled at me, and continued to speak. "That's why I'm talking to you about this. Besides, I know there are people concerned for you, such as your brother, and his girlfriend. I've seen you many times on the phone, and the people you talk to all seem to have the same plea: come home soon. I've even heard it from my wife, your nurse."  
  
"Your wife? Who's she?" I asked, a bit confused. Then, it hit me. If this is-or could be- Mitsukake, then it has to be…  
  
"Like I said before, your nurse, Sage." Sage?! It HAS to be! Shouka!!! Sage is Shouka! I knew it! Michael is Mitsukake! His assistant has to be Chiriko! And Heather has to be Houki, if Mitsukake and Shouka are around! But, what about my dear Hotohori, or Nuriko? Tasuki? Chichiri? And what about all the people from their past lives? If Shouka and Houki are back, then…  
  
"Miaka?" I snapped back into reality, and stared at Mitsu- wait, it's Michael. I don't think he knows who he is yet, but I still need to think of him as Michael, not Mitsukake. "I'll leave to you think about my offer, but if you don't want to go through with it, tell me. But if you do, when ever is good for you if just fine. Just tell me, or Sage." I smiled for what seemed like the first time in awhile. I still didn't know if I wanted to talk with someone about Taka, but knowing how caring the people here were- along with knowing that Taka wasn't my only seishi who came here to his world from the book- truly made me smile.  
  
"Alright, I'll tell you." Michael smiled at me, nodded, and left me. But, for the first time since I had woken up a week ago, I stayed in reality when I was alone, and I picked up the phone, and dialed the number to Onii-chan's cell phone. I needed to talk to him about this.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Yes, I'm sure it's him!" I cried out to Onii-chan, half an hour later. He was actually suspicious of Michael and his assistant-who's name is Cedric- being my seishi, but he was a bit wary. 'Why would they come back? And why now?'  
  
"It's just like what happened with Taka!" I cried out to Onii-chan, and didn't stop for a moment, despite the heartbreaking reaction in my heart. "Taka came back, and we both wondered if everyone else would come back! Well they did!" I stopped for a moment after saying that. It was true- Taka and I had talked about it so many times, and we had had many, many conversations about it, wondering who they would become, who they would marry, how they would live their lives, but most importantly, if we would ever see them again. Taka wouldn't, however.   
  
"Miaka, even if it is them, how will we convince them that they are the Suzaku seishi?" Onii-chan said to me, sighing. "And are you one hundred percent positive?"  
  
"Yes!" I cried out, feeling much more energy than before. Unfortunately, my entire body wasn't feeling the same as my heart, and my legs were still a bit sluggish- and painful! "Do you think they'll still have their powers?" I wondered.  
  
"No wonder- how do your legs feel?" Mayo-chan said to me, as she sat down on the edge of my bed.  
  
"They're still numb," I told her, and tried to move them so Mayo-chan would have more room to sit on the bed- but I couldn't move them. It's actually really bugging me- I want to move!  
  
Mayo-chan and Onii-chan stayed with me for a few more minutes, until visitor's hours were over. Shame really, considering how I actually wanted to be with people today, and they came almost before visitor's hours were over. But I was still exhausted from the excitement I had felt from actually being intersted in life for once, rather than sulk from not being with Taka.  
  
'Where are you right now? Are you happy? Do you miss me as much as I miss you?' were questions silently running through my heart, as I thought of all the conversations Taka and I had shared of my seishi, our friends. Each of us had missed them so much, but only I am able to see them, talk to them, be with them and they know I'm here.  
  
I fell back onto my pillow, and laid on it for sometime, until the dinner trays came, all the while thinking, 'it's not fair, it's not fair.' Why did I have to be the one who lives, who breathed, who smiled and laugh on Earth, and why not Taka. Why me? Is there something that needs to be done with the book, and I can't afford to die? No, it can't be; I had finished my role in the Shi Jin Ten Chi Sho. Is there something worth waiting for? Doubt it- Taka was my life, my reason for living. Did it have something to do with my seishi? I have no idea. Or was it just pure luck?  
  
"Dinner, darling," cried out the voice of one of the nurses. Unlike Sage or Heather, this one spoke English, although she did understand a bit of Japanese. She delivered my meals, and I had the basic concept of understanding what the words for 'food' were in English, so we understood each other. But, every meal, she left with a smile, and leaving me wondering why she would be that kind, that sweet. She didn't even know me, and we couldn't even communicate! But, it made me smile back, and that helped just the tiny bit with the pain.  
  
After dinner, before I could sink into my depression mode again, Sage and Heather both burst into my room, the two of them ready to leave. I asked why they came in before they were going home to sleep after a long day here, but they simply smiled, and Heather said that it's the kind of things friends do. I smiled at them, and suddenly realized that I simply wasn't a patient to them; I was more of a friend. Why they befriended me, I'll never know. Maybe it had something to do with their past lives, or they just liked me, but I was glad to have someone here with me when Onii-chan and Mayo-chan weren't. I often let them go out and do what they want, as I just wanted to sulk in loneliness, and they humored me, but I could tell they weren't happy with me choice of loneliness.  
  
The three of us chatted like old friends for the next few minutes, until Heather suddenly jumped up, and said quickly she had to go home. I asked her why, and her face glowed with pride, joy, and mostly happiness.  
  
"Oh! I guess I never did mention to you about my husband, or my son, did I?" Heather said to me. Hotohori, maybe? Boushin? Heather practically ripped a photograph from her purse and held it out to me. It was a picture of a year old child, definitely a boy. He looked a bit like Boushin, but…  
  
"That's my son, Brendan," Heather said with so much happiness and joy in her eyes. I looked at the picture again, and almost took a double take. How I missed it the first time, I'll never know, but it was Boushin!!! He was about a year younger than the last time I saw him, but he was absolutely adorable!!! And I had saw Hotohori in him when he was two, but I saw maybe just a bit more in him in the picture. I smiled, and handed the picture back to Hou- wait, it's Heather now.  
  
"He's adorable!" I said, smiling, my words obviously not lying from the tone in my voice. For once, it's actually happy, and not depressed. Maybe Michael is right. I do need to talk to someone.  
  
"Well, I was serious when I said I need to go. Bye! I'll see you both tomorrow!" Heather waved to the two of us, and she left the room in a flash. Sage waved back, and turned to me and opened her mouth.  
  
"I take it Michael spoke to you about talking to someone, ne?" I nodded, and she continued. "Well, this friend-or friends of ours actually- might help you out, just a bit. If it doesn't work, then you can drop out and not talk to them again, but please? Just give them a chance. I'm supposed to see them tomorrow, so if you could think about it tonight and tell me tomorrow, if would be great." Sage was so concerned for me, and it almost shocked me. But, then again, Shouka was always this kind to people. She let us in her home, and let us stay there, despite the fact she was a demon. But, I did want to see who these friends were, and if they were really my seishi or not, even though it wasn't one of them.  
  
"I, I think I'll give it a shot," I said slowly, almost regretting my words, wondering how anyone could understand my pain. Sage's eyes lit up, and her mouth opened, ready to talk.  
  
"Alright! I'll talk to them tomorrow! And remember, if you don't want to do this, just back out. There'll be no hard feeling, ok? Now I got to go! Bye! See you tomorrow!" And with that, Sage walked out waving to me, and I smiled slightly. I pulled my knees up, and rested my head on them.  
  
"Am I doing the right thing Taka? Or should I just give up?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Ohayo, Miaka!" cried out Mayo-chan as soon as visitor hours arrived. I woke up from my not-so-peaceful slumber, and sat up slowly, rubbing my eyes.   
  
"It's not seven AM?" I asked Mayo-chan, as she slowly opened the drapes at the window, allowing my eyes to adjust to the bright sunlight.  
  
"Iie, it's about ten," she said as the drapes were opened as far as they could go. "Keisuke's coming in as soon as he can, but he said he need to take care of something. So he dropped me off here."  
  
"Oh, it's ok." I sat up a bit more, and pulled my knees up, resting my chin on my knees. I wondered where time had gone. Last thing I had known was waking up for breakfast, and then falling back asleep after the cart left with the tray. I hadn't slept last night, due to my dreams, whatever they were. Strange as it sounds, they terrified me, even though I couldn't remember them. Whether they had to do with Taka and that accident, or something else, I'll never know. But they had scared me from sleep, and I had a few hours of sleep last night.  
  
"So, what's up?" Mayo-chan asked me, sitting on the side of my bed. I sighed, not knowing what to say, other than the same thing I had always said: nothing.  
  
"Well, nothing I guess. Did you talk to Yui-chan last night?" I hadn't called Yui-chan last night, due to the fact I was lost in all thought. I hated being here, and I hated even more knowing the fact it would take forever for me to go home, and forever to recover from being here. I hated this place, and the fact I had lost Taka? It made everything worse.  
  
"Yeah. She really misses you, you know. Everyone does, actually. And, I was told to tell you to get your ass back to Tokyo as soon as you can, by a few friends of yours." Mayo-chan smiled at this, and I smiled too.  
  
"Did she say how she was doing?"  
  
"I asked, and was told that I worry too much. She's fine." I slapped my head, remembering how Yui-chan hates people asking her how she's doing. Mayo-chan giggled a bit, and sat down next to me.  
  
"So, do you know where Onii-chan went?"   
  
"Nope. But, Keisuke got some weird call yesterday, and he started acting very… strange. I don't know what it was about, since he wouldn't tell me about it. I wonder what it was about."  
  
"You and me both." We looked at each other, and smiled. This was fun. I need to ask Onii-chan when he's going to ask Mayo-chan to marry him. He deserves it, and…  
  
"Miaka?" I looked at Mayo-chan, and smiled at her, letting her know she could continue her question. "You- your brother and I, as well as Yui and Tetsuya, well… we were all wondering when you were getting out of the hospital. They won't tell us anything, so I was just wondering if you knew anything."  
  
"Well… they said I can leave once I can walk again, meaning I need to get these legs of mine healed! But, until then, I need to stay here."  
  
"Hmm…" Mayo-chan stopped, and smiled. "We need to see if Mitsukake remembers anything, or if he still has his powers. Then, you'll be out of here soon, and your hospital bills won't be as high as they should be, considering how badly you were hurt." Shit! The hospital bills? Well, there goes my apartment. What am I going to do? I need to see if Michael knows anything.  
  
"Those hospital bills are going to be hell to pay." It looked like Mayo-chan agreed, and we smiled at each other and laughed. I switched the TV on from the remote by my bed, and the two of us watched TV for quite some time, until Onii-chan dropped in to say hi. He wouldn't tell us where he was, but he was so happy about what happened when he went out. He wouldn't tell us anything, getting both Mayo-chan and me very upset. But, when he pulled out a bag of fast food, as was forgiven, at least in my case that is.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Well, there ya have it. I wanted to get this out, but I really have no basic idea of what to do inside the hospital, but after Miaka gets out (yes, she does get well!). Oh well.   
  
Niki: Thanks for your support. It might get a bit longer between updates, cuz of play practice and the holiday season, but I hope you (as well as everyone else!) hold out with me. And Tasuki in a bunny suit… Authoresses are evil ya know.  
bakaneko: Yay! New reader!!! And, I was actually wondering if anyone would pick up on Heather and Sage. You actually picked it up tho- I say coolness.  
And to everyone else… please keep reading and please review!!!! Ja ne!  
  
~Frenchie 


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own FY. And I hope you're happy I said that.  
  
Well, here we go. The next chapter. I still have no idea where this is going, so hang with me, if there's no updates for a while (and believe me, there won't be many after Christmas, considering homework and the play I'm now in, which is now my life. Wait, now I have no life now, it belongs to 'Fiddler on the Roof', as presented by my high school… and guess who's a Russian in the play…. at least with no lines, since everyone's Russian in the play!), or it gets corny. I have a basic idea (as stated how many times?!), but there's no plot line. At least yet. And before I start with my ramblings, I'll start this now….  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Miaka, you really need to learn English," Sage said to me a few days later. "It'll be a big help to you, and what if Michael, myself, or Heather isn't here? And what will happen when you leave here?"  
  
Now, why don't we put it this way, in a non-sarcastic way: I hated school with a passion. I hated learning about the past, and new vocabulary words in Japanese, and English? I hated English with such a passion… and now I live here, in America, where the first language of most of the people is English. Now I'm wondering what I got myself into, moving here to America, from the only land I've know, Japan (well, besides the incident inside the book, at least!), and I've only got one thing to show from it, barely a month after: a lost husband. I couldn't tell you how many nights I've stayed up, simply because I couldn't sleep, and wondered if we hadn't moved here how different our lives would have been. But I wouldn't have known about the rebirth of my former seishi if I hadn't moved. I wonder if everyone is out there. I only know about Mitsukake, Chiriko, and quite possibly Hotohori, since I do know Houki. I'm still wondering about Chichiri, Tasuki, and lastly Nuriko. I even wonder if Suzaku is merciful enough to allow Tamahome to be reborn once again, although I strongly doubt it. But we broke the odds once…  
  
"Miaka?" I snapped my attention back to earth, only to see not only Sage, but Onii-chan and Mayo-chan also staring at me, their eyes all wondering where I was. When did they get here?  
  
"I'm here!" I cried out cheerfully, much to my dismay. I don't feel very cheerful anymore, and what I do show isn't real; it's more forced than pure happiness. What I wouldn't give to strangle that man who killed my Taka, even though it would be so unlikely of me. I had only felt this way once, when Suboshi followed Nakago's orders and had slain Tamahome's family. Although I had long forgiven Suboshi, it was still difficult to forgive Nakago, and I still had a certain… hatred, I would have to say… for Nakago. Maybe with time, I could forgive him, but I could never forgive that man.  
  
"Well, how are you feeling right now?" I heard Onii-chan ask me. I nodded slightly, and I think he understood what it meant: decent. I've felt- at least to Onii-chan- decent since I've woken up here.   
  
"Well, what do you feel like doing today?" I shrugged, and Onii-chan began talking once again. I missed half of it, just staring past Onii-chan, past the window, past the buildings, past everything. I didn't care anymore about what Onii-chan was saying, but drifted, rather. I wasn't here, I was somewhere else, most likely the book, where I was once again young, and I was with everyone. I was once again the Suzaku no Miko, and was respected more than I wished I were, because I hadn't wished for all the respect the people have given me. Once again, I was fighting against my best friend, but it was when I met everyone, the one's who changed my life the most: my seishi. Is it possible to miss them as much as I miss them now? I wonder how they would react to Taka's death.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Well, Miaka," I heard Houki say to me a few days later. Sage was out for the day, mainly for taking the day off. Good for her, she deserves it. "Sage is still working on getting you out. Remember that couple that she got to talk to you?" I nodded, wondering where this was going. "Well, the husband couldn't make it, but Sage and I got the wife to come somehow. Do you mind meeting her?" Maybe. And who is this person? Wait, what is wrong with me? I'm so cross all of a sudden! Miaka, would you stop being so stupid!?  
  
"De- demo…" I started, but Heather cut me off.  
  
"Don't worry- Kayla practically grew up in Japan. You'll be fine!" Heather said, as she ushered in a woman, with long, light blue-ish hair, and bright, golden eyes. While she was dressed simply, she held nothing but the purse in her arms. She smiled at me, and I smiled back while Heather introduced the two of us. I raised my legs up (while my legs where still partially numb, I could move them slightly, even though it did have a tendency to cause a flash of pain run through my legs. And walking was still out of the question!), and Kayla sat down by me, as Heather excused herself to check on some of her other patients.  
  
"Well…" I started off, but Kayla cut me off.  
  
"To tell you the truth, I actually have no idea why I'm here. Sage and Heather- who I've been friends with since high school- asked me to come here to talk to you, despite the rule that you can't get too involved with your patients. Seems like you're special to them. Wonder why." Maybe it's because of the past lives… like Mitsukake and Chiriko… but who is Kayla? Or is she no one? I wonder… Maybe it's someone from the past, someone I never met. Or maybe she's not.  
  
"Then… why did you come- no offense!"   
  
"It's ok!" Kayla said to me. "Really, I don't mind." She laughed for a moment, but sobered quickly. "I came because I know that both Sage and Heather would be after me if I didn't come." She stopped for a moment, and laughed. "Not really, but I did promise them that I would come and talk, and I'm not one to break promises."  
  
"That makes sense." We both stopped for a moment, and we stared at each other. I couldn't recall seeing someone like Kayla, but I knew that I had seen someone who looks like her, although I couldn't remember who it was. I remembered every person from the book, and Kayla wasn't one of the people I met, although I knew I had seen her before.  
  
"Umm… this is going to sound strange, but have we met before?" Kayla looked at me, and smiled at my question.  
  
"It doesn't sound strange at all, but I don't recall meeting you before." Oh. Well, it was a stupid question. No one from the book remembered me, and if Kayla was from the book, she didn't remember.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Well, Kayla and I spent the day talking about almost nothing. The one thing Kayla had been sent to talk to me about- Taka- was an hour-long conversation. I had cried so many tears then, but was shocked to see Kayla crying at one point, especially when she heard about the crash- from my point of view. After that one hour, everything had lightened up- not only the conversation, but my mood too. While I hadn't told Kayla everything, it was still a relief to talk- even if it was just a bit- about losing Taka. And, what confused me was how much Kayla understood, despite her happy life. It was as if she had felt it before, although, judging from what I had heard from her, she had nothing bad happen to her- or someone close to her. But, nonetheless, it was still nice to meet someone new. And, I re-learned some English, making life much easier on me.   
  
"Miaka, are you still up?" I looked up, and there was Heather. Wasn't she supposed to go home a while ago?  
  
"What are you still doing here? Aren't you supposed to be home now?" I asked her innocently. Heather sighed, and answered me.  
  
"Someone came in the E.R. before I was supposed to leave, and they needed me. Can't exactly say no to my boss, can I?" I smiled at her, and Heather sat on the end of my bed.  
  
"So, how'd it go with Kayla earlier?"  
  
"Fine." Simple, one word answer. That worked. Heather smiled at me.  
  
"Kayla thought the same thing too. Shame you couldn't meet her husband. He's really nice, and a lot of fun to be with. I bet he'd get you smiling in a second." Heather's eyes sparkled from smiling, and she looked as if she was remembering. "Plus, you'd probably relate with him somehow. I have no idea how he understands people, but he just seems to have a gift with talking to people and helping them." I nodded, and remembered how good Chichiri was at talking to me and giving advice.  
  
Heather and I spent the next few minutes talking about merely nothing, until Heather noticed the time and jumped up, her family in mind, while calling out an apology for leaving so quick. I smiled, and waved at her as she hastily put on her jacket, and waved a good bye at me. I pulled my knees up to my chest, and laid my head on my chest.   
  
For the first time in who knows how long, I had felt lonely. I had no idea why, but I wanted to be with someone. It didn't matter who it was, but I just wanted someone to talk to. I sighed, and remembered Yui-chan, more than half way across the world. I smiled slightly, and picked up the phone, intent on calling my best friend.  
  
After the first few moments of inquiring about each other, Yui-chan and I hastily shifted the conversation to me. We talked for an hour, until Yui-chan needed to leave for work (much to the dismay of Tetsuya-san!), and the entire time we spoke, our discussion focused on the surface. I didn't mention any of the heartache from losing Taka, and in fact, I didn't mention it to Kayla either. But, talking to Yui-chan was a relief. I knew that she was upset that I hadn't dug deeper inside and told her anything, but I think she allowed it due the fact we were talking over the phone, the fact I wasn't known for expressing pure pain easily, and the fact that the wound was still too fresh to leave out in the open. I hadn't wanted to talk about each little emotion I went through those first few days of knowing I had lost Taka, and I knew Yui-chan respected that. Losing Taka had to be the most painful experience of my life, and as I had heard from countless people, when I want to talk about it, I will.  
  
After Yui-chan and I had hung up on each other, I laid on my side, just remembering. I remembered Taka, his smile, his laugh, his concern for everyone, his habit of money-grubbing. Mostly, however, I remembered his undying love for me. I laid there for what seemed like hours, in another world, it seemed, just remembering, and listening to my tears fall to the sheets.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Miaka!" I heard Sage say in shock as she entered my room. I turned to her, and stared for a moment, as her slim body occupied one side of the door, as her mind fought between running to me and checking me over, seeing what I was panicking about, or just staying there, letting me explain. "Are you ok?"  
  
"Yeah. Just a dream." Liar, my mind yelled, as it fought to regain the breath I had lost from the panic I awoke in, just from remembering that dream. What was it about?  
  
"Are you sure?" Sage gave me a skeptical look, and I nodded at her, as she walked over, giving me the daily medication I need to take, hopefully that would help regain all feeling and nerves in my legs. As I took the tiny pills, I tried to not hyperventilate and stay calm, so I wouldn't choke on the pills, despite their size.   
  
I had actually woken up a few minutes ago, but if Sage hadn't opened the door when she did, I doubt I would have regained my breath then; the dream was that terrifying. Of course, it wasn't the boogieman, just like little children had dreamt and ran crying to their parent's room when they had woken up, but it was still nerve racking. It had to be a dream, considering Taka was in it… but who said…  
  
"Miaka, are you sure you're alright?" Sage said to me. She had sat down on the edge of my bed, and was staring at me with a very skeptical look, as if my lying wasn't working, and she really thought I was scared. I was, actually, but I'm not in the mood to admit it. At least right now, that is.  
  
In the dream, I had seen Taka, standing there, as if he was waiting for something. I cried out to him, and he turned to me, and held out his arms, waiting for me to rush into them and hold him close, until I decided to let go of him. As I rushed toward him, the clearer he got, and the more hi disappeared, until the time I reached him, when he had completely disappeared. I turned around; trying to find him, see where he was, until I heard a familiar, yet strange voice cry out my name. When I had tried to see who it was, I awoke in a panic.  
  
As I regained my breath, I slowly began to let go of my chest, which I had clutched in fear. Sage watched me carefully, not trying to interfere and scare me, which might cause a relapse and help me hyperventilate again. As I regained all sense, I gave Sage a weak smile, and took another deep breath, trying to forget what I had saw in the dream. I mean, it couldn't mean anything, right?  
  
"Are you sure you're alright?"  
  
"I think I am. It was just a dream."  
  
As I kept breathing, trying to keep calm, I noticed the door open, and Heather walk in. However, I hadn't noticed the man behind her.  
  
"I'm so sorry if I'm interrupting anything, but Sage, do you have tha-" Heather said, as Sage and I looked up.  
  
"Oh! Yeah, I have it. Do you want it now?" Sage said, her hands going through her pockets, until she found a few folded papers. Heather nodded, and Sage gave her the papers, and Heather handed the papers to the man behind her. As the man took the papers, he stood in the light, which reflected his brown hair and eyes. I stared at him, until it hit me. I knew it was him, but did he know who he was? That he was once the emperor of Konan, and my seishi Hotohori?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Whee! Done! Got it done at last! I know I could've done better at that last part, but…  
  
And please review for me!!! I'll get the chapters out much faster if you do, and I'll feel special too! Ok, that last reason was pathetic, but please? I don't care if it's 10 words, or a thousand, but please do!!!!!  
  
Thanks for reading! Ja!   
  
~Frenchie 


	6. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own FY, as written in the first few chapters. K?  
  
Well, here we are. The next chapter. Coolness, eh? Well, just to tell you now, I have no idea when the next chapter will be out, because I'm trying not to make this corny, but it's still Christmas vacation, and I still have a ton of stuff to think of for this... And just to let everyone know now, this is where updates become further and further apart. But, I'll try to have a chapter out about once a month or every few weeks. All depends on you all reviewing and my time off. *smiles*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hotohori? How... wait, Mitsukake and Chiriko! But does that mean everyone else is here? And does that mean...  
  
"Oh! How stupid am I!" Heather cried out. She pulled the man behind her-the one who looked like Hotohori- to me, and hurriedly started introductions. "Miaka, this is my husband Shane. Darling, this is Miaka." Heather smiled at me quickly, and let me know that I was fine. That, however, was unnecessary. After all, I was being introduced (or, rather, re-introduced.) to Hotohori. But, nonetheless, I smiled at him politely, and held out my hand, waiting to shake it with him, as if I had never seen him in my life. He shook it gently and said 'hello'. I replied to him politely, and received a weird look from Shane.  
  
"W-what?"  
  
"You look like someone familiar, although I could guarantee I've never met you a day in this life." True- the last time I saw you, you had been a ghost, telling me to live my life with Taka. And what a coincidence now, you meeting me around the same time I had lost the person you told me to live my life with. As the silence continued to grow between us from me trying to think of something to say that wasn't suspicious, I over heard Sage and Heather looking at one of the papers and laughing. I smiled, getting an idea, and opening my mouth.  
  
"I'm sorry, but I think I would remember meeting someone like you, Shane." His mouth curled into a smile, as I thought, 'Bingo'.  
  
"True- it is heard to forget such a beauty as me." Yup. I was right. It is Hotohori. I knew it. Only Hotohori would be that narcissistic, and a trait like that is not easily forgotten. I heard Sage and Heather's conversation fade as I opened my mouth only a minute ago, and as I glanced over, the both of them were smiling and shaking their heads at me, as if to warn me about that little trait. I smiled slightly, and turned my attention back to Shane, who was presently smiling.  
  
"Well, as short as my time here was, I am needed at work. If you three ladies would excuse me," Shane said, as he shook my hand again, and swiftly walked over to the spot where Sage and Heather stood. Sage handed him the papers in her hand, which confused me, considering the fact she had already handed him a few papers. He then kissed Heather's forehead quickly, and walked out as he waved to us. We all waved back, as Heather handed me a small cup of pills.  
  
"These are some pills you need to take now. I don't remember if you were told, but you have a date with the doctor, and he needs you to take these." I took them, and winced at their sour taste.  
  
"Yeah, they do taste pretty nasty. But, it'll help out a bit later wi-" Sage started, but I held up my hand, unable to take anything gross.  
  
"Sage, I am so sorry, but could yo-"  
  
"Hey, it's ok. I've heard how nasty they taste, and I've had a lot of people feel bad after taking them." I smiled slightly, and was hit by a wave of nausea. I fell back onto my pillow, and groaned.  
  
"I'll wake her up a few minutes before she has to go," I heard Heather say. Sage said something back to her as I slipped from being awake to the state of sleep.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Miaka?" I sighed and tried to fall back asleep, but it didn't work, due to the insistence of my brother, who kept calling out my name, wishing for me to wake up and join the world of people who had been awake for some time. So, after much begging on Onii-chan's part, I slowly sat up, and rubbed my eyes, which shut almost immediately when they opened, due to the bright light of the sun and the light from the lamp- which Onii-chan had brought for me- almost directly in front of me, which came from my bedside table.  
  
"What?" I groaned, while Onii-chan sat on the side of my bed. "And where's Mayo-chan?"  
  
"She's went shopping. I'll bring her over later." Onii-chan sighed at me, and kept talking. "I found this in your apartment awhile ago, and I thought you might want to have it with you." From there, he held out a small frame, and I took the frame. I stared at the picture, and tears came to my eyes.  
  
It was our picture, the one of all eight of us. Each face smiled at me- including my own- and they all told of happiness, joy, and hope. I went from left to right, memorizing each face yet again, even though I knew the picture more than I knew my appearance. Nuriko's smiled at me, his hand upon his face. Chichiri looked the same, but even though his eyes were slanted shut, due to his mask, he felt the same happiness we all had felt. Mitsukake smiled at me, and his open arms told me how much he cared for each of us, even though I had already known that from the start. Tasuki winked at the camera, his arm up in victory, as if he knew we would win, and he was celebrating it prematurely. Below Tasuki was Chiriko. He smiled gently, almost afraid of my camera, but his eyes glistened with newfound friendship. Hotohori sat next to him, and his smile and eyes gleamed with the friendship and love each and every one of us had shown him, despite his position as emperor. Next was me. How I wish for the innocence and hope I had, as well as all my friends. My eyes strayed to Tamahome, his smirk revealing to the world that he knew that we would win the battle, and that he would be the one to defeat the Seiryuu Seishi. His hair was still long then, and it had been that very afternoon that Suboshi had slain his family, and his hair was cut short in a hysterical battle, where his rage overcame all common sense he had. Remembering all that misted my dried eyes again, and the tears came down harder than ever. When will be all be together again? Is it possible for all of us to be alive and happy again, just like this? How I wish for that.  
  
Onii-chan stared at me all the while I memorized. Until the tears flowed freely and hard from my eyes, he sat there, waiting. And when they did fall, it was then he held me; He wrapped me his arms as if I was a five year old, and held me tightly. As my tears continued falling, I clutched my brother, not wanting to let go. The picture was held between the two of us, and I held onto it, not wanting to let go. As childish as it sounds, the picture was a source of strength. Every little memory I had from then was kept in that picture. It reminded me of the hard times, the fun memories, our hard work, the love and care we all held in our hearts for each other, both mostly, it held every little sacrifice. Each and every sacrifice everyone made, just so I could call upon Suzaku, and be with Tamahome, was held there too. And in those memories of sacrifice, I was hit the worst by the death of Nuriko, the death of Chiriko, of Mitsukake, and Hotohori. Each of them died for a cause, and each death tore at my heart. Seeing Nuriko, lying in the snow. Looking at Chiriko, sitting on the bed, peacefully. Hearing of Mitsukake's death through Tetsuya, and lastly, reading each of Hotohori's last words. Each tugged at my heart, which now left as if I could never recover from this.   
  
"Wh- why?" Onii-chan let go of me briefly, and stared at me. "Why me? Why did I have to go through all that?"  
  
He understood perfectly. His hands slid to my checks, as he had done many times when I was upset before I met Tamahome, and he spoke. "Miaka, you're asking why you have to go through everything. You're saying, why did I have to suffer through everyone, and why you did live. Right? Well, let me tell you this: you are one of the luckiest people ever. You are the Suzaku no Miko. You were the one who led Konan to its glory. You led your seishi to Hokkan and Sairou, and never lost faith. It was your love for Tamahome that helped create Taka. And, it was also you who met everyone in that book, and you are the one who had the best time of her life there. And you are asking why you had to go through that. Are you saying that you'd rather miss out on all of that, just so you wouldn't have to suffer now?"  
  
I stared at him, hard, and understood perfectly. But, a few small thoughts lingered in the back of my head. Am I being selfish? Do I want to die? And, mainly, am I still alive because everyone is coming back now? Or is it just luck?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
After Onii-chan's visit, I fell back asleep. I couldn't help it. I was exhausted after all that crying, and I was still tired from earlier. But, I had understood what Onii-chan had said. And I was ready to get out of this place, and see what else was going on, and see if I could find Nuriko, Tasuki, and Chichiri. I missed them more than before, due to the fact I knew they were here now, and I could find them. That was the one thing keeping me going on now, and I swore to myself I wouldn't leave here until each and every one of my seishi was found, and each remembered each other, Taka, and me. I know it's not going to be easy, but considering how Sage and Heather are married to Mitsukake and Hotohori, and how I knew Chiriko was, I was willing to bet that each of the seishi had somehow come together and knew each other in this live, which made sense to me. Each of them had all been the best of friends in the past, and I would swear upon my life that bonds like those are not broken easily.  
  
"Miaka?" I heard Heather call out my name, and behind her was Sage. I smiled at them, and they both returned the smile. "You were asleep almost all day. Are you alright?"  
  
"Yeah. I'm just tired. Thanks for your concern."  
  
Sage opened her mouth, ready to respond. "We're your nurses, Miaka. If anything happens to you, we're the ones who know about it first. Besides, we're friends, right?" I smiled at them, nodded, and knew it was true. Even in the past we- wait, Shouka was taken over by that... thing... and I never really knew Houki. But, just like Taka, they aren't the same persons they were from the past. But, it was still worth it, being friends with them.  
  
"So, do you know when I'm getting out of here?" Both Sage and Heather shook their heads, and I sighed, slightly panicking. Then, I clamed down, remembering how Yui-chan told me that sometimes, the seishi can come to the Miko, which now made sense, considering how I already found half of my seishi while restricted to this room.  
  
"Out of curiosity, what are you doing when you leave?" Heather asked me.   
  
"Ahh... I actually don't know. I don't know if I even want to stay here, or go back home to Japan. My brother and his girlfriend are living at my apartment right now, but I'm not sure if I want to stay there." That question through me through a loop. I had no idea what to do when I left here, and I began to panic again. I had no job, and I still wasn't brushed up on English. What am I going to do?  
  
"Well, if you get out, and have no place to stay, I wouldn't mind if you stayed with me. Plus, it'd be easier on Brendan, who's had more baby sitters in his life than I can count!" I smiled, and remembered the picture of Brendan that Heather had shown me almost weeks ago. He was absolutely adorable, and I wouldn't mind baby-sitting him at all.  
  
"I'll think about it."   
  
"And, speaking of Brendan, I got to go. I'm so sorry, but-" Sage and I both interrupted Heather at the same time, the both of us screaming out 'go'. Heather left laughing, while Sage and I giggled.  
  
"Well, I'm so sorry to leave you here, but I really need to go. I'll try to see if there's a time frame when you get out, but I can't promise anything. And Kayla called me earlier, and said she was coming here tomorrow for the kids ward. Do you mind if she steps in for a bit?"  
  
"Not at all." Fits in fine. I can see if she knows about Nuriko, Tasuki, or Chichiri. How, I'll never know, considering the fact I'm not the queen of subtlety. But, I did like Kayla, and didn't mind her at all. She was fun to talk, and I needed someone to laugh with.  
  
"All right. Well, I'll see you tomorrow, bright and early. Bye!" I waved goodbye, and laughed a bit. As I began to drift off slightly, I remembered some unpleasant thoughts: how am I going to pay those hospital bills, and keep my apartment?  
  
"Shit!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Well, finished that. I typed for three straight days, but I think it was worth it. And yes, I realize Miaka is not the type to swear, but in the show and books, I have seen her swear every so often, and think about it: hospital bills are expensive, and Miaka's only income is Taka's money. I think that would present a problem, don't you? Plus, it was a good place to end it.  
  
Well, it's a few more days until Christmas. Yay!!! I won't get anything out for at least another week or so (at least I don't think so!), because I'm busy until Christmas Eve, and will not be near a computer (actually, on one of those days, I'm seeing 'Lord of the Ring' again! That was the greatest movie!), and then there's Christmas, and next weekend is this huge party for my grandparents. I know, I know, I'm making excuses. But, it's something I'm good at, and I do have a tendency to babble!  
  
Chibi_kaz: Yay!!!!! You figured it out!!!!! I didn't know if anyone would pick up on Kayla, but yay!!!!!! And yeah, the dream did mean something, although now, it could mean anything!  
DreamLight: No, Chichiri did not get reincarnated into a girl. I know it's confusing, but hopefully, it'll clear up soon.  
Masika: Yeah, neat kinda is a bad word... not that descriptive. And it's not Miaka and Hotohori. Sorry. I already had planned out the pairing, and the fact Ho-ri and Houki were married. Maybe I should try a Ho-ri/Miaka fic someday...  
  
And if anyone wants to guess the pairing, go ahead! I don't care. Of course, it'll take awhile for it to actually happen, but until then... And please review!!!!!! Well, ja! Love ya all! Merry early Christmas!!!!!  
  
~Frenchie 


	7. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Don't own Fy. Poor me and the rest of us who wish we owned Fy.  
  
Well, I'm back! My Christmas was cool, and I hope yours was too! And we actually got SNOW!!! A rare occurrence in my home city! But, I did have to stay home (there was about 2 feet of snow the next day, so really...), but it was snow!!!!  
  
Eeeeeeeee! Next chappie! I have somewhat of a plot now, although I still need to figure out what happens in it! Then, I need to figure out the after part, between what I have planned and what will be planned. Then, knowing me, I'll change it ten-fold. Oh well. Enjoy!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"So, let me get this straight: for the past week, you've had two nightmares, and in both, Taka disappeared and you've heard a voice telling you to come, right?" I sighed at Yui-chan. It was two in the morning, and I woke up- again- in a cold sweat, due to a nightmare. I knew Yui-chan would home, considering the fact she was no longer allowed to travel anywhere or go to work. Both Tetsuya and her doctor had stopped her from working last week, until she gave birth. I think it has to do with the twins she's carrying, because an old friend of mine was expecting a while ago, and she worked until about a month or so before she gave birth. Well, Yui-chan is expecting twins, and my friend was pregnant with only one child, so...  
  
"Yes, Yui-chan. But what does it mean?" That was the thing that worried me the most. I knew the voice hadn't belonged to Suzaku, because his voice was much, much deeper, and it hadn't been Taka. But, just like last time, the voice sounded so familiar. But this time, it felt much... warmer? It was as if someone really did care about my life and me.  
  
"Miaka, only time will tell." I hate it when people are so vague. But, we did have a reason for being so vague. We had no idea what was going on.  
  
"But, Yui-ch- oww!" As I tried to reason with Yui-chan, my leg twitched for a moment. And it twitched painfully. It had never done that before, and all of a sudden, a flash of pain ran through my right leg. And my right leg was the leg damaged the most.  
  
"Miaka, are you alright?" I heard concern in Yui-chan's voice, and knew she heard me cry out in pain.  
  
"Yeah, I think I am." As soon as it appeared, the pain disappeared, and it hadn't chosen to come back. Well, at least yet anyways. "My leg just... well... it started to hurt, an-"  
  
"Then tell a nurse!"  
  
"But, it doesn't hurt anymore!"  
  
"Miaka, what are we going to do with you? If it bugs you, then tell someone! And didn't you mention something about your doctor being Mitsukake?"  
  
"He doesn't remember anything! But, I have a feeling that once he regains his memories, he'll be able to take care of my legs and get me out of this place!"  
  
"You're worried about something, aren't you?"  
  
"Actually, yeah, I am. I don't want to go broke taking care of these hospital bills!" As much as I tried to be nice when I said that last line, it came out as a snap, and I heard Yui-chan take in a quiet, yet noticeable breath. "Aww... Yui-chan. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at all. I just hate this place. There's nothing to do, and you know I just hate sitting around, doing nothing. It's just... aggravating."  
  
"It's ok Miaka," I heard her say after a moment. "But with all your talk of how much you hate the hospital, you're getting me upset for when I have to deliver these two!"  
  
"I'll bring you a book." Yui-chan laughed at me, and I knew I was forgiven.  
  
"So, you'll be out of there by the time I'm ready to give birth?"  
  
"I'll try. But, I don't know if I'll be there in time." Yui-chan questioned why, and I told her that I had decided to find each and every one of my seishi. She listened to me without interrupting me the entire time, and then she let out a small sigh again, which I took as a bad sign.  
  
"Do you have an idea of where to start?"  
  
"A bit- but I need Sage and Heather to help me out."  
  
"What about that one girl... what was her name again?"  
  
"Kayla?"  
  
"Yeah, that's it. Do you think she has any involvement with your seishi?"  
  
"I hope so. Maybe she'll lead me to someone."  
  
"Well, let's think. You've found Hotohori, Chiriko, and Mitsukake. You need to find Chichiri, Tasuki, and Nuriko. I doubt that Kayla- if she's connected- has anything to do with Tasuki. Nuriko, maybe, considering he was in the harlem. Or maybe she's a girl from his past. And then there's Chichiri. You mentioned once about his past fiancée, and then there was that entire thing with Hikou. So, out of the two mentioned- excluding Tasuki- which do you think Kayla might be related with?" Yui-chan is way too logical.   
  
"You really need to stop thinking."  
  
"Miaka, I'm home alone pregnant. What else is there for me to do?" I laughed, and thought for a moment.  
  
"I would have to guess... I have no idea! The only thought coming to my head is who is she, because I know I've seen her somewhere. I... I think I remember when, but not where."  
  
"Then when? Because you didn't know the entire truth about Chichiri's fiancée until Tenkou had came around, and-"  
  
"Oh my God!" I cried out in shock. "I found Chichiri!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
After Yui-chan and I had tried to plot (read: tried), I fell asleep, exhausted. I could not think anymore. I ended up thinking much more than I had wanted to, and I was exhausted by the lack of sleep for the past few days. The dreams I kept having every few nights was cutting in on my sleep badly, because after I had one, I'd spent hours awake, trying to think of what they all meant. In fact, they had gotten so bad that Onii-chan had picked me up a notebook and told me to use it to remember what I had dreamt. With no offense to him, I had no intention of using it. I knew, that by the intensity of hurt I felt each time Taka felt, and then the warmth, happiness, and pure joy that replaced, each dream would always be held in my heart.  
  
And it wasn't until nine that I woke up, and was almost disappointed that I hadn't had another dream, that I realized that there was something going on. And it wasn't in the hospital, because everything had it's normal bustle in the morning, but it was as if I had felt it in my very soul, where the essence of all my love for everyone- especially Taka- came from. And it was painful, waking up and realizing no one was there beside me, which struck me as odd, considering the fact that I thought I had gotten used to Taka not being next to me when I sleep.  
  
"So, you're up now?" I looked up at Sage, and smiled at her face, which showed the slightest bit of sympathy. "Got your breakfast." Blah. No wonder she had that look on her face. I love eating, but this food... yuck!  
  
"Hey, out of mere curiosity, when is Kayla coming back again? It was fun, talking with her and you and Heather yesterday." I was speaking the truth there- I did have fun with Kayla, Heather, and Sage. I didn't find out if Kayla was connected with Chichiri, due to the fact that the four of us kept talking, but I had plans to find out if Kayla was connected to my seishi, and I needed to know when she was coming back.  
  
"Yeah, it was, wasn't it? Well, I got a call from her this morning, and her mother-in-law's sick with something, and Kayla and her husband are going out to take care of her." Oh. Guess I can't see if it really is Chichiri.  
  
Sage left me in my room as I attempted to eat my breakfast, but I lost my appetite every time I ate this stuff, so I called Onii-chan and Mayo-chan, and begged for real food. They agreed whole-heartedly, knowing my battle with this food here, and how much I hated it, despite my gluttonous appetite. We hung up laughed, and I savored the moment, where it was as if nothing had ever happened, and the happiness held my heart, and there was nothing wrong. But there truly was something wrong, and I had no idea if I could be fixed up enough to be able to mend the wound left in my heart by Taka's unexpected death. And no matter how much I could hide it, the wound would still be present in my heart.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"My savior!" I cried out as a joke as Onii-chan and Mayo-chan each walked in with a bag of food. I tried to pick up my legs, but the same flash of pain from earlier- only a bit more painful- ran through my legs, causing me to do more than wince. Onii-chan, who had dropped the bag on my table just before I cried out in pain, ran over to my bed, trying to sense out why I was massaging my legs, which I was doing to regain feeling.  
  
I laughed a bit, and came up with a lie on the spot, trying to avoid them from worrying even more. "Charley horse," I said meekly, and almost pathetic. Only I don't think Onii-chan or Mayo-chan took it, due to the suspicious looks upon their faces.  
  
"Are you sure you're alright Miaka?" I looked up at Mayo-chan, and smiled, trying to block out the fleeting pain, which decided to return.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine!" I smiled broadly, and waved Mayo-chan over, and stole the bag rested on her hip. I smiled when I opened it, only to discover some of my favorite foods nestled in the bag.   
  
After I ate to my heart's content, I took whatever was left and put it on the table near my bed, and tried to get up. However, my legs refused to work. I sighed, and sat back on my pillow, depressed because I wanted my legs back and working. I stared up at Onii-chan, and sighed. He was about to say something, but then he stopped, and looked as though he had just remembered something. And by the look on his face, it must've been important.  
  
"I am so sorry, but I need to take care of something right now," he said as he hurried out of the room, only stopping of grab his coat. Mayo-chan and I sighed, and looked at each other.  
  
"So you know what he's doing, Miaka?"  
  
"No idea. You?"  
  
"Nope." After much guesswork on what he could be doing, we switched on the TV, and watched game shows until lunch, when Onii-chan returned with fast food. And plenty of it.  
  
"Ok, what is going on?" I demanded to know. Onii-chan simply smiled, and gave me the bag. But, for the first time, I turned it down, and demanded to know why he left. He simply smiled, and told me he'd tell- or show- me later. That got me suspicious. Onii-chan was up to something, although I didn't know what.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Miaka, wake up," I heard Sage say to me the day after Onii-chan's mysterious appearance. "You need to get up, because you have to see the doctor so he can see if your legs are working, and then you need to go to physical therapy." Great, just what I needed. I wanted sleep, not to work my legs and see if I can walk anytime soon. Let me walk later, I want to sleep.  
  
But, I couldn't follow my heart, so I got up as best as I could, and pulled on a pair if sweatpants and a t-shirt. I brushed my hair back into a ponytail, and was content with the way I looked. 'This isn't a beauty pageant, it's a hospital' I screamed to myself silently as I was almost forced to put on the tiniest bit of makeup.  
  
As Sage carted me off, I stared at my surroundings, noticing it to be early in the morning. I smiled slightly, liking the quiet, and wished I had time to eat something, even the nasty food they served here. But, by the time my visit with the doctor (who happened to be Mitsukake and Chiriko, coincidentally!) was over, I lost my appetite over how bruised my legs were now looking. They were much better than when I first woke up, but they still looked nasty. I also got some stitches out, from some of the surgeries I had when I first got here, and that also contributed to the lost appetite.  
  
Physical therapy made my day a bit worse. By the time it was over, my legs were much more sore than I had ever felt, and ever nerve seemed to be alive and stinging, even though my legs still felt numb at times. I was regaining the feeling, Sage said, but it does come with a price. As I was wheeled back down to my room, the nerves seemed to calm down, and they didn't sting anymore, but I really couldn't feel them either. As I stared off into space, a bit upset that my legs were going numb again, I heard Sage gasp, and looked up to where she was staring. She was staring at Nuriko.  
  
Of course, it wasn't Nuriko. The man's hair was shorter, and he was only a bit taller than Nuriko was. But, he had the mole, the eyes, and a smile that only he possessed. I gazed at him, heedless, as I decided modern dress looked good on him. He wasn't cross-dressing, but his shirt and pants held a certain appeal only woman seem to pick up. As soon as he saw Sage, he turned from Heather, where his concentration was held, and turned toward us, his smile holding happiness.  
  
I completely missed his name, as I tried to figure out the look in his eye just a second ago. Unlike Hotohori's gaze when he saw me, his eyes seemed almost shocked, although the rest of his face hid it. However, his eyes lost the look when Sage threw her arms around him. Heather took pity on me, and finished wheeling me off to my room, as Sage and Nuriko followed us. Even by the tone and pitch of his voice, it was Nuriko.  
  
As Heather and Sage helped me onto my bed, Nuriko stood in the doorway, watching the three of us. Much to my dismay, the two refused to let me sit on the edge of my bed, as usual, with my legs dangling, and the almost forced me onto the pillow. We laughed as the work was finished, and Nuriko's look-alike stared at us.  
  
As Sage and Heather left the room, Nuriko told them he'd catch up, and he had something to do. I expected him to leave, but he walked over to my bed, and stared at me.  
  
"Do I know you?"  
  
I stared for a moment, trying to find a way not to reveal anything. "What do you mean by that?" I was shocked by the fact he knew Japanese, and how clearly he spoke it.  
  
He stood up, and stared at me. "I don't know where, but I know you. I've never even met you before, but I know you. Who are you?"  
  
Just like Hotohori. "Miaka." I kept it simple, just in case.  
  
"Now why does that sound familiar?" I heard him muse quietly. I caught every word, and knew why.  
  
"If you don't know me, then why do you say you know me?" That confused me the most. Did he remember anything, unlike Mitsukake, Chiriko, and Hotohori?  
  
"It's..." I stopped for the words, and tried to put what he wanted to say in words. "Do you ever have the feeling that you know someone, but you don't?" Ever time I see my seishi now. "I've seen you somewhere, but I-"  
  
I felt so sorry for interrupting, but I needed to. "I grew up in Japan, and I rarely went outside the country." There. Maybe that will help.  
  
"Did you have to wear a uniform when you were younger?" Odd question to someone, but I knew what he was talking about.  
  
"Yeah. A brown skirt and jacket combo, and a plaid skirt and green jacket." I knew from that last question he knew something, but how much he remembered was way beyond me.  
  
He was pacing the room, and stopped for a moment, taking in what I said. He whipped around, and stared at me. "Miaka..." he said quietly, before sitting down. "Why does that name sound so familiar?"  
  
I stared at him, and drew my knees up to me chest. Every little motion with his hands was him, and every look he used to me was him. "Nuriko," I said quietly, not expecting him to hear. I said it accidentally, just because. As soon as he said it, he stared at me, and stood up, and sat on the side of my bed. His eyes shone of reconization and confusion, and he asked me one question.  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Now, who is evil? I am so sorry to end it there, but I have no inspiration to continue with Miaka and Nuriko's reunion, and I have to get ready to go out.   
  
Chibi-Kaz: Yes, you are right. Tasuki does look very yummy during the ova. That was probably one of the reasons I bought it (besides the fact I needed to know if Tasuki really did have a mullet or not!). And you probably will be the first to say Tasuki and Miaka. I still won't reveal the pairing, but I still think it's fun to see what people think.  
  
And please review!!!! Ja!  
  
~Frenchie 


	8. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Don't own it. Sorry. Look for Yu Watase if you want to know who owns it, as well as a bunch of other companies.  
  
Happy New Year! I know it's a bit late for that, but oh well! Here's the next part, and this is where it gets a but spaced out between updates (I think. From now on, my life is controlled by a scary man with a scary attitude for 9 hours a week!), but I might make the time between updates shorter. It just depends on reviews! Well, here we go!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"What did you just say?" Those words rang through my mind, over and over, making my heart jump with each word. My mouth opened up slightly, unable to speak a word. To put it simply, I was speechless, unable to make any sense of that small and seemingly insignificant question. I tried to say something, to make sure I didn't reveal anything, when my right leg almost gave out on me. I gasped, and tried to grab it, hoping to stop the pain, but it left as quick as it came, leaving both Nuriko and I confused. I still wasn't used to the flashing pains in my leg, and Nuriko was just confused about everything- both the past thing and my leg.   
  
"Are you alright?" Nuriko asked hesitantly.  
  
Smiling broadly, I faked whatever pain I had, and put on a fake smile. "Yeah. I'm just fine." From the looks on his face, he didn't believe me.   
  
"Liar," I heard him say, his voice not quite harsh, but almost a whisper. I wasn't surprised by the fact he said that he said that. Nuriko had almost always acted that way towards me when I tried to hide something, and it had come as second nature. However, Nuriko didn't seem to realize what he said, and continued with his scolding. "Miaka, what are you doing, lying to me? You always pull this bullshit!" My eyes opened wider as he spoke, and I took in each word. He was right, and he knew it by the look in his eyes.  
  
"Nuriko." The word came out of my mouth before I could stop it. So much for subtly. But, I didn't think it mattered at this point of time. The damage was already done, and he knew about his past. But how much, was a mystery beyond me.  
  
As the word came out of my mouth, I noticed Nuriko's eyes. They grew wide, and the recognition and familiarity I once knew almost seemed to fly into his eyes and return. His eyes shine with seeing me, and they seem to make the connection between the me of fifteen, and the me I am now. He smiled so truly, so friendly at me, and I threw my arms around him, happy to see him again. As he returned the hug, I wrapped my arms around him tighter, and let my tears run down my face.  
  
As soon as Nuriko let go of me, I knew he would ask about everything- including Taka. Not bothering to remove the tears from my face, I braced myself for the tears I know will fall.  
  
"How long has it been?" Wow- some first question. Hadn't expected it.  
  
"About nine years."  
  
"Why are you here?" Umm... how can I say this gently, without crying? I guess I really have no way to reveal this without shedding tears, and making the blow soft so I can deal with Taka's death, and make it easy for Nuriko.  
  
No matter how much I tried, the tears I had tried to stop from falling as I answered fell, and Nuriko saw me, and wrapped his arms around me without question. As I cried harder, I wrapped my arms around Nuriko tighter, and didn't let go. Soon, however, my tears slowly grew less violent, and more controllable. I let Nuriko go slowly as they fell quieter, and readied myself for the questions.  
  
"Miaka, what happened? Did something happen to Taka? In fact, where is Taka? Is he ok?" Not again. Please, don't cry again Miaka. You've already shed enough tears today. Don't cry.   
  
As I battled my self-control, Nuriko stared at me, almost seeming to question my thoughts. At long last, he spoke up, breaking the silence.  
  
"He's gone, isn't he?" Plain and simple, but heart breaking. As I nodded, Nuriko took in a breath sharply, and shut his eyes quickly, avoiding tears. When I saw Nuriko open his eyes, I was shocked to see the amount of sadness and pain in them. It was so much more than I expected, and I expected quite a bit. I moved my legs so I could rest my chin on my knees, and Nuriko moved to sit on the edge of the bed. He stared off into space, muttering things like, "It couldn't be," and "Why?". They tugged at my heart, as my reaction was a bit like that.  
  
"It was a bit over a month ago. Taka and I had moved here for a job offer Taka received, and we ended up in a crash, which ki- killed Taka and left me in a coma." I said it so plain and without emotion, shocking myself at the fact I could say it without tears streaming from my eyes without end.  
  
The two of us sat in silence for a few minutes, not wanting to speak, but let Taka's memory stay in our hearts for the time being. Finally, I spoke up.  
  
"So, how have you been? What's your life been like?"  
  
Nuriko took a second to reply, and told me of his past. He told me about where he was born, about his parents and siblings, about his life. I found out that Nuriko was a journalist, traveling to different places all the time. I smiled, listening to his stories about the places he had been, the people he had met, and the things he had seen and was paid to write about. Finally, he stopped, and smiled.   
  
"So, what've you been doing?"  
  
"Umm... I married Taka and worked for a bookstore for a few years, then moved here. Kind of a bland life, but it suited me."  
  
"Any kids?"  
  
"Nope. No pets either."  
  
"That's weird- you always did love Tama."  
  
"I tried to get a cat, but I never did go through with it, I guess. But no cat could ever replace Tama!"  
  
"True- he did get us out a mess or two." I smiled, remembering the time in Kotou when Chichiri had used Tama as a way to return to Konan. "I always wondered what happened to Tama," I said, musing mostly to myself.  
  
"Eh, Michael's got him. Sage wanted a cat, and Mike got her one. I don't remember how long ago though."  
  
"Wait, you know Michael?"  
  
"Course- we met a long time ago." Nuriko smiled, seeming to remember something.  
  
"So, do you know Tasuki, or Chichiri?"  
  
"And Hotohori, and Chiriko. We're all a group of friends who met, well, it seems like we've always known each other." My jaw fell. I had been looking for everyone, but it seems that I had ran into them. I hadn't expected this, but it was a welcomed surprise.  
  
"What's everyone else been up to? I really don't know much about them." Nuriko smiled, and filled my head with so many stories about everyone when they had grown up. The ties they had as seishi weren't broken- in fact, I think that's why everyone had such a strong bond, because they all knew each other in the past. Each of my seishi had met each other long ago, and the friendship had grown stronger with each passing year. As I heard about each story Nuriko had to tell, I knew that it was them, just by the actions. Sure, everyone had a few different qualities, but they were still them. And that's the part I felt happiest about.  
  
"Do you think anyone remembers me?" I asked as Nuriko fell silent.  
  
"Of course we do. We would have the weirdest conversations about things we'd see while daydreaming, while we were asleep, or just about anywhere. We'd see someone who'd look like someone we'd remember, and take a double take. Or talk to the person as if we had known them our entire lives, especially when we had just met them. I'll tell you, I've met so many people who look familiar, but I could never place a name on. Even my family looked strange. When I was a teen, I almost expected them to kick me out."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I left home when I was a teen in the past, and I moved in with my aunt and uncle. After that, I joined the harlem." Oh. I guess that would make sense.  
  
"From what we all went through growing up, I think each of us has a sense of our past, but we don't know that it's there," Nuriko continued. "Each of us knew that we had done something before, but we didn't know what. There's been times when I tried to lift something over my head that no one could, and expect to lift it up. I remember G- I mean Tasuki- got into a fight once, just like always, and reached right over his shoulder." Nuriko laughed, remembering. "He had the nastiest black eye after that!" I laughed, trying to picture Tasuki with a black eye. It was an image I couldn't see. "We all know that we're seishi, but it's more on a subconscious level than in our minds. And I guess that you help us learn who we are- or were."  
  
I smiled at Nuriko. "Thank you." Nuriko had almost a shocked look on his face after I said that. After listening to him say over and over why he didn't understand why I was thanking him, I finally explained. "I have you again. You're one of the only ones who understand everyone, and since I lost Taka... well, you kinda brought back my spirit."  
  
"I could never imagine you without your spirit, Miaka," Nuriko said silently, as his face was slightly tinged a light pink. I smiled, remembering his conversation with Tamahome, and remembered that he didn't know I overheard. "I need to go back to work. But, I'll try to come back and visit soon, and I'll bring some food, and maybe a friend." I smiled, and held out my arms, and gave Nuriko a hug, glad to have him back as my friend again.   
  
"Thank you, Nuriko. I'll see you later."  
  
"Bye," he said, pulling away. He smiled at me, one last time, and left my room. As he left, I smiled until I realized I didn't get his name.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Yui-chan, I found him, I found him!!!" I called Yui-chan as soon as the hospital grew quiet, and almost everyone, with the exception of the night staff and some people, happened to be asleep.  
  
"Found who?"  
  
"Nuriko! I found Nuriko!"  
  
"Wasn't Nuriko your seishi who died at Mount Black by Ashitare?" As she said those words, I remembered that cruel day. I remembered how much it hurt, holding Nuriko in my arms, as he laid almost dead. I remembered the cruel, harsh reality of hearing the words, "He's gone," being uttered from Tamahome's mouth. Everyone's reaction as he was buried. All of it seemed like a bad dream at the time, and it still seemed that way.  
  
"Yeah- it was him."  
  
"Where'd you find him?"  
  
"Sage and Heather know him, and he came to visit them."  
  
"Did you talk to him?"  
  
"Would you be shocked if I told you they all know each other?"  
  
"Who knows each other? Your seishi? Or someone else?"  
  
"My seishi. They all met when they were young, an-"  
  
"So they all know each other?"  
  
"Yeah. Nuriko said that'd he help me out. At least I think he did."  
  
"You said that some other people you knew were reincarnated too, but they had new names. What was Nuriko's new name out of curiosity?"  
  
"Umm... I actually didn't find out..." Yui-chan sighed, and let out a few giggles. You had to admit, it was kinda funny.  
  
"Well, I need to go. I'm so sorry for cutting this off so soon, but I have a doctors appointment." I cringed at hearing that. Once I get out of this place, I hope I will never have to go to the doctors for something serious again.   
  
We exchanged good byes, and hung up. I fell onto my pillow, and sighed, smiling a bit. I had each of my seishi in my grasp again, just like before. I could find them all, and we could be together. Well, actually, we would be missing Tamahome, but what if he did come back? Maybe- or maybe not. As I curled up into a little ball, I drifted off, wondering if Suzaku, the god of love, would be willing to grant me just one more chance with the one I love.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yay!!! Done! I got this done due to severe boredom, and the fact that I go back to school four days after my brother (including the weekend!). So, I did this. And sorry about the cliffhanger last chappie! But, I did need to go, and it did work...  
  
idontknow: Yes, call me evil. I really don't mind. But, here ya go!  
tamababymiko-chan: Heh heh heh- I love cliffhangers! That was really mean tho. Sorry! And I do hope this helped a bit! And thank you!!!!  
  
And please review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love ya all!  
  
~Frenchie 


	9. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Fushigi Yuugi is not mine. It belongs to a bunch of companies, and I am not a part of any of them.  
  
Well... hello! All I'm saying about my life before I begin to babble is that even tho I have an evil play director, I love doing Fiddler On The Roof. The best part is being backstage with my friends and stage crew, since we have some weird people on stage and in the play. And the best part is that I don't do anything. I walk across the stage, and that's it so far. Maybe I'll get another job, like crashing the wedding!   
  
Anyways... next part!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As the weeks went by, I saw Nuriko almost every day. Each time, he came bursting with more than enough energy for the both of us, and our smiles were always wider. He always came with something to tell, be it a memory from the past, or a story he's working on. And each time he came, I revealed more about what happened after he had died, and what had happened after Tenkou tried to take over the book, as well as rapidly improved my English. He had also learned of the book, and we had spent over an hour on theories about the book, and if everyone had existed, and weren't characters from a book. The only thing we came up with was that everyone and everything in the book was real, but the book made it possible to go between the two worlds.  
  
However, during that time, my legs still continued to bother me, as well as my doctor and nurses. No one had a good grasp on what was going on, and why this was happening. All I knew was that it was probably an infection, and they kept me on drugs all day and night. That still didn't help though, and it increased my time with doctors, as well as kept me in the hospital even long. Not that much fun. The only thing keeping me from running away was my legs, which refused to work, and the constant visits from Nuriko, Onii-chan, and Mayo-chan, as well as Sage and Heather keeping me sane when no one was there with me.  
  
Between my visits with Nuriko, and anyone else, and especially at night, I sat alone, thinking about the past. According to quite a few people, I had lately been spending too much time thinking about what had already happened, and I needed to stop. I ignored what they said, and tried to figure out what had happened with Taka. As long as it had been since that day, I still felt guilty, wondering why I had lived. I was told that it was normal, and I needed to keep going on, even though it was painful, but I still clung to the past. The only thing that I was excited about during the absence of people was the fact my weird dreams had gone away. I hadn't seen one since Nuriko. That made my nights a bit better, not remembering Taka's death, and actually helped me sleep through the night, since I woke up after each dream. Those dreams were just depressing, though.  
  
However, each time Nuriko came, the sadness of everything was soon forgotten, because I didn't want to worry him, and he always had a story to tell. The two of us bonded about the past, leaving both Sage and Heather curious to why we seemed so close, despite our recent meeting, or seeing each other again. And I had managed to meet Chichiri, thanks to Nuriko and Kayla's help. What shocked me the most was the fact his right eye had disappeared, and he no longer had it in this life. I was relieved at that, knowing there was nothing drastic had happened, like in his last life.  
  
Chichiri was the same person I remembered. As familiarity widened his eyes, I realized he had remembered nothing of me, as everyone else had, unlike Nuriko. But, he still had the smile upon his face, and the cheery attitude he had always presented, for which I was grateful. Tasuki, however, was a different story.  
  
As soon as he walked in, after Nuriko, had bribed him to come in, his eyes opened wide in shock, and he seemed to remember who he was, which was almost accurate. Like everyone else, he had dreams about his past, but he had recognized me on the spot without me poking him to remember. He still had the accent in his voice, and he used it as he spoke on and on about things he seemed to remember, as I filled him in on what it truly was. The three of us had so many laughs as Tasuki kept going on about things he had seen. Finally, Nuriko left us in exchange for work, and Tasuki and I mocked him recklessly about forgetting his true friends. He still left though, even though we had tried to convince him not to. I fell back onto my pillow, giggling slightly at our actions, and looked at Tasuki. His expression, while still a bit mellow, was slightly nervous.  
  
"What's wrong?" He looked at me, and from the look in his eyes, I knew what he failing miserably to hide. I gave him a warm smile, and as I tried to open my mouth to explain, he cut in.  
  
"I know what yer going t' say, so don't even start with me about how it wasn't me." The tone in his voice was serious, and I knew he meant it. I didn't obey him, and continuously kept blurting out explanations about how it wasn't him, and how it didn't matter to me anymore, but he refused to listen.  
  
"It may not matter to you, but it does to me." My mouth fell open as he continued. "Goddamn Miaka. I swear, when I was younger, I'd stay up all night, jus' in case I ended up seein' yer face starin' up at me like that. It would scare the shit outta me, knowing that somehow I made a girl look at me like that with tears in her eyes. And the look on yer face as ya begged me not to hurt Taka... no man could ever forget a face like that." Inside, my heart was breaking. I knew that if Tasuki was this serious about something, it was close to the heart. He was much too masculine to reveal such a strong emotion so easily.  
  
"Tasuki..." The word rolled from my tongue as a lone tear fell from my eye. I wiped it away, hoping he wouldn't see it and feel even guiltier. He stared at me intently, with a gaze that almost broke my heart again. Seeing the guilt he held in his eyes... "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything you went through. I never meant for you to feel so bad about that, I never did. I forgave you years ago, and that should be enough for you. You always knew I was never the one to hold a grudge, and I'll never hold it against you." His gaze still remained intense for a moment, and then lightened up slightly. He came over from the table where he sat, and sat upon the edge of my bed, far away, almost as if he was afraid of scaring me. I frowned at him, and he moved slightly so the both of us were content. So, I ended up moving myself so I was next to him, and I wrapped my arms around him, giving him a hug for comfort. I held him tight for a few moments, and released him, feeling him hold still under my grasp. When I released him, I stared into his eyes. The emotions we each held about that event clashed as the contact between our eyes remained. Finally, he smiled slightly, and gave me an awkward hug, letting me know it was all right. I smiled at him, and scooted back, just in case someone would come in the room and yell at me for putting pressure on my legs. The look on Tasuki's face made me smile, knowing that he had forgiven himself, for which I was glad.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Onii-chan, why have you been so mysterious lately?" I asked my brother on day when it was just the two of us, wondering why he had came to see me and leave only five seconds later. And the one thing that annoyed me was that he never told me where he was going and what he was doing. And, by the look on his face, I think he was expecting me to ask him this sometime soon.  
  
"I was wondering when you'd ask that. Oh well, guess..." as he droned on, he reached into his bag, and pulled out a book. A very familiar looking book. "When I first got here, I recognized Mitsukake, and asked Tetsuya if he would send me this." The book! "I don't think he's told Yui-chan about any of this, but it's about time you learned what was going on. See, Tetsuya and I had a feeling that since Tamahome was reincarnated here, that maybe everyone else would come here too. And, ever since the battle with Tenkou, where Tai Itsukun told you and Taka that everyone would be reincarnated, Tetsuya and I had a feeling that maybe they'd end up here. As you can see, it was true."  
  
"But what does that have to do with anything?"  
  
Onii-chan pulled out another book, this time the book was unfamiliar, and very thick. "This book is about the four gods, the star constellations, the works. Anyways, it also has a few passages on the gods themselves, as well a bit on reincarnation. It's actually a basis on a bit of research that we've been doing since Tenkou."  
  
I stared at the book, my fingers grazing the top lightly. "But why? Why did they all come back? I'm not complaining, but there has to be reason."  
  
"Miaka, I don't know. Tetsuya and I came up with some theories, but they're only theories. The best one we came up with was the fact that Suzaku's the god of love, and he knows how deep the bond is between all of you. That's about it."  
  
I stared blankly into the window. "But what about Taka?" I said softly.  
  
Onii-chan sighed. "Miaka, I don't know. But, whatever happens, and whether he comes back or not, you need to at least acknowledge the fact that he might not come back. Because, if he doesn't, you may spend your entire life living a dream, thinking he'll come back. If he does, great. But, again, if he doesn't, try to get on with your life. It's been hard for all of us, even me. Taka was like a brother to me. But, at least try to accept the fact that you might never see Tamahome again Miaka. Because, if you don't, you may live a very lonely life."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
After Onii-chan left after that conversation, I sat and thought about what he said all night. Everything he said was true, and I agreed with it, even though it was still hard to accept that I might never see Tamahome, or Taka again. I sat with my knees pulled up to my chest, and rested my chin on my knees while considering what Onii-chan said. As one lone tear dropped down my check, I wondered if anyone knew Tamahome, or if he was truly gone. It scared me slightly, knowing that I could be alone. Ever since I was fifteen, I depended on him. And he didn't mind at all. I fell head over heels for Tamahome, and when he was gone, I knew we'd be together again. And we did see each other again. We were married for maybe five years, and then he was pulled right from my arms. I woke up from a coma and discovered he was gone less than ten minutes after I woke up. It was these sort of things that made me upset. I missed him so much. Would we ever be together again?  
  
"Miaka?" I looked up at Heather, whose face was smiling gently. "I'm sorry to intrude, but you need to take this." She held out a cup with one or two pills inside. I winced, and took them quickly, hating their taste. I was told they could help figure out what was wrong with my legs, but doubted it. "Sorry about you having to take that, but you have to. I'd be just as squeamish as you are right now, so don't worry." I smiled at her, and she left with an apology, saying she had to take care of her other patients. I smiled, let her go without talking. I was still trying to figure out what I would do if Onii-chan's prediction came true and Taka didn't come back...  
  
... Which was probably why Nuriko scared me so much when he came in; I was too deep in thought. He was laughing while he apologized, and I tried to catch my breath from being terrified. I hadn't normally lost my breath so easily, but the medication I was on...  
  
"So, how are you?" I looked at Nuriko, still breathing heavily, and he laughed again, his voice carrying slightly. I smiled, and he continued. "I can only stay for a few, mainly cuz I have a site to check out for some artice I have to do." His face wrinkled at the aspect of working, and I laughed at him. "What're you doing today?"  
  
"Nothing but sitting here and waiting for someone to take pity on me and talk to me." Different from my moods only a few weeks ago, when I was extremely anti-social.  
  
"Well, glad to know that I..." As Nuriko's mouth moved, I noticed his words became softer and softer. My head felt woozy, and lightheaded, and I had a headache. I shut my eyes briefly, and when I opened them, my vision was blurry, and I shut them again, but it didn't work. As I felt my eyes close, I noticed Nuriko's face was inches from mine, and his mouth was crying out my name, even though I couldn't hear it. And my eyes closed shut as my head hit the pillow.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yes, it is an evil ending. I knew I wanted to end it there, but in between... And if the middle to end part sucks, sorry. I'm kinda in the middle of another story (not posted) that's sucking up my creativity. But, other than that....  
  
tamababymiko-chan: Yes, I think we all have a thing for Nuriko (why do you think I did a ton of description with him? And I'm actually one of the only ones between all my friends who loves him the most...). And cliffhangers are pretty bad... so sorry about this one!  
KittyLynne: Thank you for allllllllll your support in each of your reviews! And yet another person for Tasuki and Miaka? Had a feeling... And about Nuriko's new name. I don't know if he will get one, since I can't find a good one for him (or Tasuki, for that matter). If I find one, I'll stick it in. Otherwise, him and Tasuki are known by the seishi names.  
  
And thanks for reading and tolerating the horrible cliffhanger I did once again. I'm realllllllllly bad with the endings for some of these chapters, eh? Well, ja!  
  
~Frenchie 


	10. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: FY is not mine, and it won't ever be. Sorry to burst your bubble.  
  
Well... hi. I'm suffering from midterms, play practice, and pure exhaustion right now, as well as a bit of writer's block. But, I got this one out! YAY! But, I'm not complaining. Play practice has been fun, and I get to be in the dream scene! Anyhoo... here ya go!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Miaka..." Who is that? "Miaka..." Ahh! I know who that is!  
  
"Taka! Where are you?" No answer. "Taka! Please talk to me!" nothing again. "Taka!" Then, I heard it again, only it wasn't Taka.  
  
"Miaka..." Five different voices, all calling out my name at different times, each overlapping. I couldn't place my finger on who they were, however.  
  
Each time they called out my name, their voices got weaker and softer. As their voices seemed to die, one voice I hadn't heard called out my name louder than anyone else's. I gasped, and turned around, frantically, trying to see where the voice came from. Finally, I saw where it came from.  
  
There were six people, standing in a semi circle, all facing me but one, with their faces dark. As I ran towards them to see who they were, all but the one not facing me disappeared. I kept running towards him, but he got no closer. I finally stopped, and he turned to me, as the area all around us grew brighter. When he had finally turned fully around, I couldn't see who he was because the light surrounded us fully.  
  
"Miaka..." He said one more time as I began to disappear.  
  
"Wait! Don't let me go!" I kept disappearing, but I saw his face wave to me, and his mouth became clear, and I saw him smile. "Wait!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As my eyes fluttered open, I heard the room go silent. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I tried to glance around, and see who was there. It was obvious by the number of voices I heard before I opened my eyes that there were quite a few people in the room, and the fact that I could hear their breathing helped also.   
  
"Hey... Who's... In here?" I was still groggy from just waking up, and my words came out slurred. I heard quite a few gasps at my outburst, and a few sighs with that.   
  
"Just like I told you, she'll be fine. All she needs is a few days of rest." Mitsukake! Oh... wait. Michael. I always seem to forget that in a way, he's not Mitsukake. I heard another sigh, and looked over to where it came from. It was my brother. He worries too much. As I glanced around the room, I saw everyone. Each of their faces was just as worried as the time I tried to drown myself, and their eyes shone with relief.  
  
"Miaka!" Each of them- except Mitsukake- cried out my name in almost unison, their voices all holding concern and love. I smiled at them, and wondered why they were all here together. I barely knew any of their reincarnated forms, and Nuriko and Tasuki really had an idea of why they were so important to me. I sat up, and realized that I could do it with ease- something I haven't been able to do since the accident. I looked at Mitsukake, questioning him with my eyes, and he smiled at me.  
  
"You're fine. Although we have no idea why you fainted, we were able to heal you, and return your legs to working condition." So that's why I could sit up so easily! "The best guess for why you fainted was the thing that caused your leg to go numb."  
  
"I, I..." I tried to make sense of everything that I was told, but I was simply exhausted. I smiled at everyone and gathered my strength. "Thank you." I received more than one smile in return. "How long was I out for?"  
  
"Three long days." I smiled at Nuriko, and he spoke again. "All of us were here almost the entire time you were out." All of us? You mean... They knew about... But when?  
  
"When did yo-" Hotohori smiled, as if knowing a secret. "I don't think you know how many people were shocked by knowing you had fainted, am I correct?" Oh. That makes sense. Heather and Sage... Thank you. Wait... Yui-chan!   
  
"What, what about Yui-chan?" Onii-chan smiled at me.  
  
"I knew you'd ask that. Anyways, she was worried about you, if you're wondering. She's called at least ten times a day, trying to see if you woke up yet. When you feel better, she wants you to call." I smiled slightly, and fell back onto my pillow.  
  
"How long have you all been here?" I received a different answer from each person, and smiled at their dedication for me. But, as their voices overlapped, I remember my dream. I tried to remember who was the one calling out my name the strongest, but I couldn't remember what his voice sounded like, much to my dismay.  
  
"Miaka." I stared up at Chichiri. "Why don't you get some sleep? You're exhausted, and you need to sleep."  
  
"He is right, Miaka." I stared at Michael. "I promise you'll feel much better tomorrow, and you'll be out of here in about two days. Until then, however, I want you to sleep." No problem. I'm exhausted.   
  
"Do you want anyone to stay with you?" Sure, why not? I nodded slightly, and pulled my fallen covers up to under my chin, and fell asleep almost immediately.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As I woke up, the sun fell in my eyes, which was strange because the last room I was in had no windows. I yawned, and put my hand in front of my eyes, protecting them from the bright rays, as I realized I was in my original room. When the sun was blocked, I looked around my room, trying to see who was here with me. What I saw was not one person, but Shane holding a small child, who looked almost like him but with lighter hair. By his looks, and the way Shane held him, I knew it had to be Boushin. The both of them were asleep, and were just adorable together.  
  
"Miaka?" I turned at the sound of someone saying my name, and saw it was Heather. I smiled at her, and she came in and sat on the edge of my bed. "You came back to your room a few hours ago, and a few people stayed with you while you were asleep. I hope you didn't mind."  
  
"Not at all." I wonder why Heather looks so confused right now. She looked over at the two sleeping, and smiled.  
  
"They look so cute like that." I smiled at her, and she smiled back. "What happened?" Huh? "You fainted a few days ago, and scared everyone. No one knew what happened to you. And, you had so many people worried about you." She stared at her husband, and smiled. "Even Shane, who doesn't even know you that well, was worried about you." So she doesn't know anything.  
  
I smiled at Heather, and spoke again. "When can I leave?"  
  
"Tomorrow, I think. Are you going back to Japan?" Good question... Should I? "I don't know." Should I?  
  
"If you want to. And, if you ever want a place to stay, just call me. I'd be more than happy to have you over." Heather snuck a glance at the clock, and sighed. "I need to get back on duty. Wake them up in a few, ok?" I nodded, and she left.   
  
I fell back on my pillow, and sighed. Where am I going to stay? I doubt I could stay at the apartment Taka and I bought; I'd end up crying even more than I did here. And I don't want to be a burden to anyone... And all my things were unpacked a while ago! I don't want to pack them again! But, if I were to go back to Japan, where would I stay? I really don't want to be a burden on anyone, but I do need a place to stay. And do I have any money?  
  
"So, you're up again?" I looked up, and saw Shane standing, almost fully awake. He was still holding his son, who was waking up slowly. I nodded, and pulled my legs up to my chest. Shane smiled, and shook his head, as to say he didn't want to sit.  
  
As I watched Shane cradle his son, I remembered the time when Taka and I had returned to the book world, and we had seen Houki after everything. I remember how sad Hotohori was, knowing he could never hold his son as a human, and he would have to resort to watching him, as well as holding him as someone else, not his own body. Hotohori would have made the greatest father, and it was a shame Hotohori had died before Houki gave birth. Well... at least he has this lifetime to be the father he couldn't be. And he still has Houki and Boushin with him. That must make him feel better. He loved them both so very much.  
  
"So, how long have you been up for?" I looked up from my thoughts, and answered.  
  
"About five minutes. Not that long." He nodded, and Boushin let out a yawn, and promptly fell back asleep in Shane's shoulder. I smiled at how cute Boushin was, and Shane sighed.   
  
"He really needs to wake up," was gently said under his breath, but not quiet enough so I wouldn't hear. He then looked up from his sons face, and smiled. "You've been asleep for a few hours, and they moved you back here. During the time you were asleep, Yui called, asking about you. Apparently, she heard you had woken up. She's so different from the last time we saw her, as the Seiryuu no Miko."  
  
"Yeah, she really is, isn't she? She's apologized more times than I can count for everything she put me- and the regrets of you- through. She was really upset about everything."  
  
"I wouldn't blame her." Shane smiled, and looked at the clock. "I am so sorry, but I need to go and feed him, but I have nothing with me. You don't mind, do you?" I shook my head, figuring I'd call Yui-chan while I was alone. Which I did as soon as he left.  
  
After waiting for what seemed like forever (which actually wasn't that long, I was just too impatient), Yui-chan finally picked up, and by the sound of her voice, Shane was correct with saying Yui-chan was nervous, because judging by her voice, she sounded hysterical.  
  
After finally calming Yui-chan down, I tried to tell her everyone knew everything- but she beat me to the punch. As I soon found out, Onii-chan had already told her. However, we didn't talk much about the fact everyone had come back. She had wanted to know how I was, which I wasn't shocked about. And after I had pulled her from away from how I was doing, she plunged into a topic I was still questioning: where would I end up going after I left the hospital. And she actually gave me some good advice on that.  
  
"Miaka... I know everyone missed you here, but no one can tell you where to go. The best thing I can do is just say this: you and Taka have been looking for all six of your seishi for how long, and now that you've finally found them, your considering going home?"  
  
"I guess you're right... but I still have no idea how I'm going to pay for everything, and I have a feeling I can't stay at my apartment without breaking down..."  
  
"Look, like I said, I can't tell you where to go, but if you do plan to stay, we'll all respect that. But just do what you want, because I'm sure it's the right thing."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Well, you're back. I forgot if I mentioned this to you, but we finished up unpacking for you while you were in the hospital." Onii-chan took me home the next day from the hospital. I was so happy to finally get out and be in fresh air, and go home. Mayo-chan had left a few days before for something about work, and Onii-chan was the only one taking me home. I actually didn't care, I just wanted to sleep.  
  
"Thanks. Thanks a lot. Really helped me out."  
  
"You're tired, aren't you?" I nodded at Onii-chan. "Well, tell ya what. I actually need to go out to get some stuff. I'll let you stay and sleep, ok?" I nodded, and as soon as Onii-chan as I was settled in, he let me alone in one of the places I didn't want to be.  
  
Every little detail here was a small reminder of Taka. Every little piece of furniture held a small part of him, even though he hadn't used it much. We had only just bought it before moving here. All our pictures were constant reminders of happier times, which almost brought me to tears. And when I got to the bedroom, it was only ten times worse. The few pictures that Taka and I treasured the most were there, and those two pictures brought the tears to my eyes faster than I could stop them. Our wedding picture showed so much happiness, while the picture of all of us-which had been placed on the table yesterday, after my firm request- showed me what seemed to be now a dream. In tears, I backed up against the wall, and fell down to the floor slowly, as the tears came down my cheeks violently. I pulled my knees up, and sobbed into my legs. From now on, I was alone here. What am I going to do?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
There we go! Done!  
  
tamababymiko-chan: I hate cliffhangers too... but I'm good at them! And I'm still not telling the pairing, although are are pretty much on track... heh heh heh. But I'm not saying which one! Aren't I mean?  
Chi: Thank you! And yeah... but I'm sorry about that cliffhanger. But when you really think about it, it was a good ending, aside from the cliffie!  
Kat: Thank you! I really appreciate all your comments, and they did mean quite a bit to me (actually, all of them do!). And about another fic... I hate having more than one fic out, but I might do another after this. Might is probably wrong, tho. I luv FY!  
  
Well, there ya go! Please review! Love ya all!  
  
~Frenchie 


	11. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Fushigi Yuugi (and anything else I care to use) is not mine, plain and simple.  
  
Well... hi. I know it's been a month (or so...), but my report card wasn't the best, restricting my already limited computer time. Add in play practice... and homework... and other stuff... writer's block... yeah. But I hope this makes up for it!  
  
Oh yeah... one small note... everyone (meaning the seishi... the ones alive) all remember. If that part was confusing, sorry! And now...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Running to the door, I checked my apartment for any misplaced things that could be picked up in a matter of moments. Finding nothing on my floor, I hastily opened the door, almost afraid I had kept it shut for too long. Seeing the looks on the faces from behind the door, my fears were soon diminished.  
  
"Hey!" I gave them a smile as I let the two in, and eagerly waited to see what they had brought. Tasuki flourished a bag in front of me, and I tried to snatch it away from him, but Nuriko grabbed it from him, and held onto it.  
  
"He wouldn't let me get 'Gladiator'," Tasuki said, sulking. "Instead, we got that." I opened the bag, trying to see what 'that' was, but Tasuki continued. "Honestly, I can't understand why 'Moulin Rouge' is such a good movie. All it's about is love."  
  
"How can you be so sure?" I sighed at the two, listening to them bicker. They were just as bad as they were before, which was comforting for me. I missed every little thing about them, and seeing how the little traits they had so long ago had changed was interesting in it's own way. Everyone had told me that I had been way too quiet around them lately, but it was because of how much each of them had matured, as well as seeing them now here after all these years of living the same world as me. I know for a fact they wouldn't have turned out the way they were today if they had just been put here without any warning- I had seen Tamahome wander around in a daze, amazed at everything he saw. But, despite everything I had seen from them, it was just a relief seeing and being with them again, even though it wasn't the same as before. Each of us had matured, and since there was no Tamahome with me anymore...  
  
"Honestly! Would you just put the movie in!" Snapping back into reality, I saw the small fight between my two guests had bloomed into almost a shouting match, stopped by the yell awaking me from my dream state. I giggled at the two, seeing how the maturity they each gained had not stretched to their old friendship, seeing how they acted as if they were five instead of in their twenties!  
  
Sighing again, I took the tape from Nuriko, and put it into the VCR, hoping it would stop the growing argument between the two. It died once the movie started, but while the movie was fast-forwarding through the commercials, they continued fighting over nothing, much to my dismay- easily revealed by my few worthless tries to quiet them down.  
  
When the fighting did die down, the three of us spent the next two hours enchanted by the movie. I've only seen it a few times, but it's still as good as it was the first time I saw it. The three of us had a blast watching the movie, singing with the sings, and sometimes throwing popcorn at the TV (actually... only one of us did, although I didn't see who), and doing other stupid things I rarely do outside the company of family or close friends. None of us cared about making such idiots out of ourselves, since we were so close from the past experiences that we were practically family.  
  
"So..." Nuriko and I stared at Tasuki, waiting to see his thoughts about the movie. He stared at us in return, and we received no answer from him. Groaning, I stood up, and threw the pillow I was holding back onto the couch. As I stretched out my arms, I watched the two throw small insults at each other and smiled. No one understood how good it was just to be here... among everyone. It was just a feeling of pure happiness, and I was glad to be granted such a gift.  
  
"Hey... who's hungry?" I looked at the two, who nodded at the question. "What do you want?" Tasuki had an almost nervous look on his face.  
  
"Umm... why don't we order out?" Nuriko looked curious to see why Tasuki would say that, while I understood the meaning of what he said almost immediately.  
  
"I'm a better cook!"  
  
"I'll pay!" I agreed silently to Tasuki, while throwing my hands into the air, claiming defeat. Tasuki almost jumped up from where he was sitting, and walked into the kitchen, all the while saying someone's number (which I assumed was the number to some place with food), leaving Nuriko and I in the living room alone. Nuriko stood up, and stretched, while the two of us heard Tasuki's booming voice order a pizza.  
  
"So... how'd your brother get in?" I snapped back into reality when I heard Nuriko's voice.  
  
"Just fine. At least I think." As I noted Nuriko's confused manner, I continued. "I told him to call me if anything went wrong."   
  
"Makes sense." Tasuki barged into the room during Nuriko's last word, and declared to us the pizza would come in about half an hour.   
  
During that half hour waiting period, the three of us spent our time swapping stories we hadn't yet told, and laughing about the few past memories we shared that hadn't dug up yet. We were laughing about something small when the pizza arrived, and continued our stories as we ate to our hearts content. All the while, through the laughs, I remained in my own little world half the time. I had no idea why I was drifting off, only guessing that it was digging up the past. I rejoined reality each time someone said my name or made a noise loud enough for me to jump, which happened every so often. And every time it did, I'd end up apologizing for drifting off, and not paying attention.  
  
"Miaka, don't apologize. You've done enough of that," were the words I heard after I was caught drifting again.  
  
"But..."  
  
"Look, it's fine. Just don't apologize again." I stared from one to the other, both their eyes sharing the same emotion. They... understand? But why? How can they? Am I underestimating them? Or have we spent too much time together?  
  
"I- I'm... well..." I glanced around, trying to find a good way to get out of the mess, while dodging the eyes of the two curious men in my apartment.   
  
"Miaka, as much as I hate to say this, I gotta go." Nuriko stopped me from my attempt to apologize, reminding me of the fact that he had to go back to work. I nodded at him, and the three of us got up.  
  
"Hey, can I hitch a ride?" Nuriko nodded at Tasuki request as the three of us cleaned up the floor and put everything in the kitchen. After reassuring the two I could take care of all our dishes, they walked to the door, me behind them.  
  
"Next time, we're renting something else." Tasuki muttered under his breath as he put the video back into the box, his words causing Nuriko and I to lightly giggle. "Something other than some damn love story."  
  
Before the two left, the three of us briefly talked about something Hotohori had mentioned that all of us should do later. Not really wanting them to leave, I remained silent. Even if it was for the sake of being with someone- even if we didn't say a word- I had no desire to be alone.  
  
"Hey... are you alright?" I nodded at his question, and saw the other leaving, waving to me, and motioning for him to hurry up. "Are you sure you'll be fine?"  
  
"I'm positive I'll be fine!" Putting on a fake air of confidence, I continued. "I promise that if I need anything or to talk to anyone, I'll call you fir-"  
  
He stopped me there, doing something I hadn't expected to happened; him connecting our lips together. After the first few seconds of shocked passed, he pulled back, and stared into my face intently. Slightly smirking, he claimed my lips again, this time with a force much more gentle than his first kiss. I stood, rooted to the ground, until impose took over, and I did the unthinkable- at least in my opinion. I kissed him back.  
  
As the time ticked away, we remained rooted to the spot, letting our emotions go, until he broke away suddenly. My eyes fluttered open as his lips brushed my forehead, and he muttered a promise about calling me later. As I stared into his eyes, they held a strange look, like there was a long lost dream that he had that was suddenly coming true. Then, without a look back at me, he left my apartment, shutting the door quietly behind him. While I watched him leave, my thoughts came creeping back into my head, until I realized what happened.  
  
"Did I just..." Walking in a daze, I cleaned up the mess we had left in the kitchen, while talking to myself, sorting out my confused mind. My thoughtless rambling continued as I finished the few dishes in the sink. There was no pattern to my words, just a common theme: what happened?  
  
Finally, when all the dishes were done, the daze of what happened finally sunk in. He kissed me, and I kissed him. Plain and simple. However, the rest of my mind didn't accept what I was saying about it being simple. Falling onto my couch, I sighed, wondering why it had happened, wondering why it was me. I mean, after all, we met when I was fifteen, you fell in love with me, and then after a few years of separation, I find you again- right after my husband, one of your best friends, died. What an ironic twist of fate.  
  
So... what to do? And what are my choices? Tell him no? He's my friend... I could never tell him to go away. I care too much about him to just say that. And why did I kiss him back? Did all my common sense just disappear, and tell my subconscious to just do whatever it wanted to do to its heart's content. Or was it the mind and subconscious working together... I have no idea! Hadn't I dealt with his feelings a while ago? Or was I forced to just say, oh well? I know you love me, but there's too much going on.   
  
Sighing again, I sat up, trying to figure out each little emotion running through my head. Unfortunately for me, there were way too many crazy, contradicting emotions, each bumping into the other, fighting to figure out what they each meant together. I sighed again, wondering why I was so confused about everything. Then, it hit me. What about Taka? I mean, he may not be with me, but still. Did he just kiss me because of old flames and the fact Taka isn't around to hold my heart? And why does one simply kiss have to be so confusing?  
  
Wait... didn't he say he'd call me? Umm... oh boy. How weird is it going to be, talking on the phone with him? It was only weird like that once, and that was after... Can't I just skip his call? I have an answering machine. But, knowing him, he'll just tell me to pick up. We know each other too well. But he might explain why he kissed me, so I should pick up. And it's him! I've known him how long? He's always been there for me! Why should things be any different, just because we kissed?  
  
Because it just wasn't any old kiss. You both meant it, and you know it, just as well as he does. You saw it in his eyes.  
  
Sighing, I laid down again, grabbing the blanket from off the floor, and threw it under my head. I need a nap, and maybe I might figure out something. And if he does call, I'll wake up from the phone. And then he can tell me why he kissed me. But until then... just let me dream. Maybe something good will come from it.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Umm... if you're wondering... I made it that way. Unless you guess right, you don't know who kissed her. But, you've got two choices. Sorry! I'm so mean, but I kinda wish I could see your faces right now! But that was a mean joke. And, knowing me, it'll get worse. And, if you really wish to know... I know some people wanted it to get sappy. I want it to be sappy too, but I really don't think Miaka is really over Taka yet. Sorry!   
  
tamababymiko-chan: Trust me. You don't want me starting with a song. With the stuff I listening to (right now, I'm typing to stuff from 'Guys and Dolls', and I sing Fiddler 24/7), it'd end up being very angsty (half the time, when the music's in English, it's Dashboard!). Unless you (or anyone else for that matter...) has an idea of a song... I'll try it. And Shane is Ho-ri. And thank you!!!  
Cerise: Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank you! I'm still not saying who kissed Miaka, but...  
akira: I'm not telling! But he does have a chance...   
Phoe-kun and Leena: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeello! Thaaaaaaaaaaank you! And yes, you are right. Nuriko is the best (as stated in my many emails!). And thank you for alllllllllll the stuff I already thanked you for in my emails. And you are right- cliffhangers are a very good way to assure readers!  
Chi: I'm sorry for not updating! Life got in the way. I actually have no idea if she (or any of the other girls) will remember, but I'm still thinking about that idea. But thank you!  
  
And thank you for reading! Reviews are always welcomed... thank you! Love ya!  
  
~Frenchie 


	12. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.  
  
Ok, before I start... I know a lot of people were kinda wondering about a few things, so if you're still confused about anything after this chapter, I left myself a review a while ago, so read that if you need to. And, other than that... well, here we go...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Like he promised, he called me later. I almost didn't answer it, due to the fact the phone woke me up from a brief nap I took after all my contemplation, but I still answered it. He didn't sound like himself, like he was shocked that he kissed me. It surprised me that he sounded like that. He had always been so sure of himself, not always caring for the aftermath of something, unless it was something that affected him deeply.  
  
"You sound tired." I replied to his statement in a less groggy voice than last time.  
  
"I took a nap." I injected no emotion into the statement, just simply stating what I had to, attempting (and succeeding) in showing nothing that revealed that I was extremely nervous. And judging by the tone of his voice as he continued the painfully awkward conversation, he was hiding whatever emotion he held earlier as he spoke to me.  
  
"So, you didn't do anything but nap after we left?"  
  
"Nope. Just napped." How long is this going to go on for. We aren't talking about anything, and it's driving us- or at least me- insane.  
  
We were silent for the next few moments, as I moved from standing in the kitchen to a more comfy chair, and he... well, I don't know. Finally, after the clock ticked once too many times, and we still hadn't spoken, his mouth opened, spilling out words I hadn't expected.  
  
"Miaka, I'm not going to apologize for what happened earlier." Huh?... "I know how you felt about him when we first met, and how you still feel about Taka, and how he felt about you. But I knew then, and I know now, that you knew how I felt for you. And those feelings still haven't changed- not a bit." He's right... I do know how he felt, how he still feels about me. But what am I supposed to do about it?   
  
"Look, I..." He cut me off as I prepared to spill my heart out, as he was doing.  
  
"Miaka, just listen. I promise that, unlike last time, I'll have a lifetime of listening to you, whether I am just your friend or more. But just let me speak now." He paused, waiting to hear me say something, but I was shocked, and my lips murmured nothing, allowing him to continue.   
  
"I'm not going to make excuses on why I kissed you, and I won't. Ever. All I'm going to say is that I still feel the same way about you that I once felt. Whether what I feel right now will change or if it won't doesn't matter. All I'm worried about is you. If you feel like smacking me for kissing you, I'd take it. All you need to know is that I will still care for you as much as I did then, and as much as I do now." Wow...  
  
"You... you really aren't the same person you were the last time I met you." He laughed at my statement.  
  
"I guess I'm not. But why would it matter?"  
  
"I don't... I don't know." I stopped, trying to gather my thoughts. "In a way, it does matter. All those years of separation, wanting to be with each and every one of you, just to discover that the things I loved the most about each of you are gone?" I heard an intake of breath, and waited for his reply.  
  
"You've changed too. You're a lot more mature than you used to be." I smiled at his observation, knowing it was true. How could I not go through all that, and still be the same? How could I be married for such a short time, and lose my husband so quickly without it directly affecting me? And how could I lose all of you so easily without it tugging at my heart each time I thought about you? "But it doesn't mean we aren't who we once were. We just grew up. All of us were younger then, and now..."  
  
"True. We all grew up. You and the others just had a second chance to grow up, without knowing about anything that had once happened. I was told to deal with what I was given, and mature with everything that had happened."  
  
"So, we aren't the people we once we, but we're still the same?"  
  
"I guess..."  
  
"Then it could explain why I kissed you." My eyes opened wider in the shock of hearing those words. No matter what, I was not yet used to the fact that his feelings for me were carried from one life to another. I thought I had accepted it then, but I had such a little time to accept it, before the two of us were torn apart. And now, here I am, faced with having to accept those feelings, once again.  
  
"Why... why do you keep making excuses? I've always known how you felt, and now you act upon those feelings, and make an excuse?" I heard a small laugh, and tried to continue, but the words I wanted to say could not form, refusing to spill from my lips.  
  
"I call it a reason." Huh? "You may call that an excuse, but I had no chance to hold you in my arms, and call you mine. Due to all the things I had said back then, everyone thought that nothing could possibly happen between us- or at least me develop any sort of feeling more than friendship for you, since you and Tamahome were inseparable. Now, I'm older, wiser, and I know more than I ever thought I could- due to everything we went through together."  
  
"It's still an excuse."  
  
"But it's also a reason. Why else would I had kissed you, if I hadn't felt the way I do about you?"  
  
Something hit me then. Everything he had said to me now made sense. He still cares for me as much as he once did- that I knew. But were his feelings strong enough to love me? Love me so true and purely? He didn't need a reason or an excuse to kiss me- just his feelings for me were enough? He hadn't changed at all- he was still who he once was. He was one of the few people who could calm my tears as I cried over the trauma of death, or the few and smallest tears of anything. He was the one I ran to after almost anything, and he defended me while still being able to tease me at the same time. He was the one who tricked me, and was the one who was serious with me when it came time for that. And here he was, spilling his heart out to me without a care, telling me how much I meant to him, without a care.  
  
A sob from somewhere inside me made its way out, revealing the true emotions of my discovery. I hadn't meant for him to discover what I just realized, but now that he knew, I didn't care. He had told me what was almost sacred- someone's deepest feelings for someone, how they felt for the one they cared the most about. And, judging from the way the tears fell so freely down my now rosy cheeks, colored from all the tears I had shed, I knew that after this conversation, our relationship would never be the same. But, the true question is, do I care about this jump in our relationship? Do I care that I lost my husband only months ago, just to slowly- and quite possibly- fall in love with someone? And to make matters worse, it was one of his best friends, a brother figure! But, he almost didn't seem to care about that, and it seemed that I reflected that in the same way. Taka was gone, and here he was, telling me that he was ready to care for me as much as Taka did.  
  
"You... you really care for me, don't you?" I said the line slowly, my sobs making it hard to hear. However, he understood my every line, and spoke up.  
  
"Miaka, you deserve the best and more." How strange is this, that he was telling me what only his heart should know, or at least right now. The tears refused to stop falling after his line, continuously revealing the true feelings I felt after hearing his words.  
  
"Hey, why are you crying?"  
  
"I don't know. I really don't." I heard a sigh, and waited to hear what he had to say about our deep conversation that had suddenly become so intimate easily.  
  
"Listen, you sound exhausted. Get some sleep. I know you just took a nap, but it'll do you some good. If you need me to, I'll come over tomorrow, and we can continue with this. If you don't want me to come over, fine. But we need to finish this someday, because right now, this is not something to finish over the phone."  
  
"When did you get so mature?" I'm sure that he was smiling; I just knew it.  
  
"I've always been mature. You just weren't around enough to see it as much as you should have." Smiling at him, I knew it was true. The few times that he had held the maturity he had now were rare, and far too few.   
  
"I guess it's true..."  
  
"Do you want me to come over tomorrow?"  
  
"Whenever. I don't have to work, and..." I trailed off, being brought back into reality about the fact that I had just found a new job only a while ago. I wish I had all the time in the world to just stay home, as I once did when I was young.  
  
"I'll be over before noon." It was a promise I knew he intended to keep. When has he ever broken a promise to me?  
  
After we exchanged goodbyes, we each hung up our phones. I sighed at the deepness of our conversation, and brushed away the few tears that fell down my face earlier. After glancing at the clock upon my wall, I noted the amount of time we spent, talking about what our hearts- or at least his- truly felt. I knew that he was right- I was exhausted, but from all the emotions each of us let out in such a short time, when it should have taken a much longer time than it did.  
  
After another glance at the clock, I decided to jump into the shower now, and hopefully calm myself from the conversation that had just ended only a few short minutes ago. Quickly running through my kitchen, trying to take care of anything that could be put away in moments, I neatened the already almost spotless room, and then dashed to the bathroom, trying to leave behind all thoughts and memories of earlier, forgetting everything that had happened today.  
  
After starting the water, I stripped myself of all garments before jumping into the shower. While letting the water pour onto my skin, and bounce off onto the shower floor, I ended all thoughts inside my mind, just letting myself listen for the continuous sound of waterfall.   
  
Until I realized I was standing in the shower for a long, long time, and that the water was suddenly growing colder as the seconds furiously ticked by, I just stood there, not caring for anything. I smiled slightly as I crept out of the shower, happy and satisfied at the fact that for some time, I was somehow able to forget all my troubles, even just for that short time. And it remained that way for the rest of the night, as I lowered myself into my bed, taking his advice and getting some sleep. And, to my surprise, not one thought for the rest of the night- or any of my dreams- included him. Or Taka.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Did you think I'd reveal who it was? Nooooooooo... at least not yet! And I'm so sorry to everyone who thought I'd reveal him. Just ask anyone I know... it's really something I do (beside talking about how funny answering machines are). But I did put in some more detail! And btw... I think that it's so much fun to read about how confused each of you are. I don't know why, but it's kind of amusing. Plus, it tells me that I can actually write stuff like that, and not tell anything. Kinda big boost to my ego... yeah.  
  
KittyLynne: Thank you! And, just to let you know, you are actually one of the only ones who didn't complain about not knowing who kissed her. But thank you again!!!  
Touki Yume: Are you still confused? But you are right in each way. That's the way I wrote it, and I guess I'll keep writing. But you really did make sense in your review! And thank you!  
tamababymiko-chan: If Yu Watase didn't make them cute, then it wouldn't be such a great series (just like you said)! But seriously, thank you! And I'm sorry for confusing you!  
Chibi-Kaz: Thank you! You actually make a really really really good argument about Tasuki being the one to kiss Miaka, and even if it isn't him, you can still say that it could be him. But thank you, yet again!  
Phoe-kun and Leena: How is it evil? Just because you think that I didn't say who kissed her doesn't mean that it's mean! And what is wrong with Moulin Rouge? It was the first movie that popped into my head, and even with S-F's help, I still couldn't think. But it really is a fun movie (remember the boat from CG? It was my idea for the whole Moulin Rouge thing...). But thank you! And if I sound mean, sooooooooooooooorry!  
krysanthe: Thank you! And about the whole Hotohori thing... I love him, and I couldn't stand it during the 2nd OVA, so I had to make him happy! And the reason isn't that silly! But it's an interesting point, nonetheless.  
Silent Dreamer: Thank you! And I'm sorry for confusing you! I know you still could be a bit confused, and I am so sorry! Just don't dwell on it, and know that time will tell all... and about the whole thing that Miaka isn't over it? Well.. People can heal at different rates, and all he did was kiss her. It wasn't anything major (heh! Knowing me, yeah right), but it was still... yeah. But that's definitely a thing for me to think about. Thanks for bringing that up.  
  
And to all... thank you so much (as I've said a zillion and one times!). And thank you for reading! Love ya!  
  
~Frenchie 


	13. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, as said before. Sorry.  
  
Well then... It took a month to figure out the chapter, and two days to write. As my sister would say... FUN! But still... hope it is fun (no pun instended!).  
  
And now I'll start...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Letting her talk, I just listened. I listened to her talk about what to do when he woke up- again- in the morning, I heard her say what I could do if I got bored watching TV later, I listened to her babble about what was in the kitchen, in case I was hungry. I also let her talk about what she was worried about.   
  
"This had never would have happened if he... What if he's...? I bet that he might..." As her mouth continued babbling, her hands remained idle, moving from place to place with such an ease for such a worried person. She continuously moved the same object over and over, not knowing what to do. Her worried legs jumped up when the both of us heard the sound of a car being turned off in the direction of the driveway, and she nervously bounced from the ball of her feet to her heels. When we heard the heavy footsteps, her quiet, unfinished sentences stopped as she waited for news. Finally, when he entered the room, she let him talk, and she intently listened, waiting for what she had waited to hear for so long.   
  
"Don't worry, he's fine..." his soft voice murmured over and over, trying to find ways to calm her nervous mind. "It's fine, he'll be ok..." His constant words, repeated over time, finally relieved the anxious aura she had, and she finally relaxed for the first time all evening.   
  
As she hurried up to leave- the cause of why I was here- he quietly told me what was going on, enlargening the small picture I had into a bigger one. "As minor as it was, he needs to stay, and I need to be there, and I think you know Heather by now..." He trailing off, and I nodded, agreeing with him about the statement made towards his wife. "We should be back by-"   
  
"It's no problem. I'm not dong anything tomorrow, and I'd rather do nothing with someone rather than no one- even if he is just an infant." He smiled, listening to me talk about his son, and continued with what his wife had started to do, but was too worried to finish.   
  
Finally, they had left the house, after Heather had covered her young son in kisses. I put Boush- Brendan (as long as I live, everyone will always be known as their names from the book) to bed again (it's well after midnight by now, and he- as well as myself- needs to sleep!), and settled onto their couch, ready to fall into an instant slumber, what I had wanted to do for days- ever since I started to work as a secretary to some TV company, I had been jumping from place to place, not stopping until I dropped almost dead into my bed, then waking up what seemed seconds later to do everything again. This nap was well needed, and I intended on taking advantage of the extremely comfortable couch and sleep...  
  
Until the day officially started when Bou- Brendan (again, Miaka?) woke up with his voice carrying out to the living room, which was quite a feat, saying for (it seemed) the whole world to hear that he was up, and we should rejoice. Smiling at how adorable he was, then frowning at the exhaustion that set in only a few seconds after I woke up, I dragged myself up and almost crawled into his room, where he put on a huge smile, and welcomed me into his room by crying out my name and holding his arms out to me, waiting for me to reach over to him and pull him out of his crib.   
  
As the morning progressed to noon, I followed the abstract instructions I had been given for the morning to do, as Brendan followed me, babbling the entire time about nothing. I let him follow me, and he did to the point of almost tripping me a few times (unfortunately). But, other than that, our partial day together was boring... at least until Chic- ack... Hayden came over, finally allowing me to continue the nap I had woken up from earlier in the morning by taking over my job as babysitter.   
  
"Ready to give him up?"  
  
"Whenever you are." He smiled all the while taking Brendan from my arms as he wiggled around, trying to free himself from my grip to do who knows what. Chichi... Hayden held him tightly, continuing our conversation.  
  
"Tired, no da?" Nodding to him, he smiling again, and continued all the while keeping a tight hold on the young child in his arms. "Go home and sleep. You need it, considering the dark bags under your eyes." Groaning, I tried to picture the state of my face in my head (I hadn't looked in a mirror at myself and inspected myself all morning), and giggled at the image my mind made.  
  
"I'm not tired... I can stay for a bit longer." That statement would have made sense if a long yawn hadn't cut into my short speech, contradicting my every word.  
  
"Sleep, no da! We don't want you dropping in the middle of the street!" Smiling at the remark, I relented... until I realized I had no way to get home. I finally managed to get a ride home with Chic- Hayden only moments later, and even sooner I was trying to get Boushin into his car seat all the while trying not to fall onto the ground and sleep. When I finally settled into the passenger's seat up front, I shut my eyes for a moment, then realized when they opened that I was home. Yawning again, I stared at the building, not quite ready to enter, but still wanting to sleep.  
  
"Well, here we are... although I don't think you're ready to leave yet." I looked up at Hayden, and nodded, and he continued talking, every once in a while raising his voice so I didn't drift off again. However, he knew I wasn't asleep when I heard him mention his name. I still have no idea why it bugs me, but it does. During one of my semi-normal (due to the different of time zones and other small factors) phone conversations with Yui-chan, I mentioned him and what happened between us, but all she did was laugh and try to tell me that it's obvious. I never did understand her, but all she did say was relax and not worry, and that if something will happen, it will. Taking her advise, I pushed out all thoughts of anything that was related to him... at least until someone said his name or something related to him. Then, all my hard work to avoid thoughts of him unraveled, and I would be known for drifting off into some other world, which always happened.  
  
"I take it that's a touchy subject no da." I nodded, and he continued again. "Seems you're a touchy subject for him too." Looking at him with disbelief, my thought raced from where they once were to now. I'm...? "I have no idea what happened between the two of you, nor do I want to know what happened. All I'm saying is that he once gave you up for the one you love, but now that he's out of the picture, I very much doubt that he's going to give you up unless you say something." He's just the same still- running after what he may not get.   
  
"Thanks for that..." Trailing off, I tried to think of what that was. Advice? Whatever it was, I am grateful for it.  
  
"No problem. Now go get some sleep." Taking his advice- again- I left the car, and dragged myself up to my apartment, and passed out on my couch, and I could be considered dead to the world for the next five or so hours. I finally woke up, due to the phone, unfortunately for me. Pausing for a moment, making sure I was really awake and not groggy, I waited before answering.  
  
"Miaka?" Pause. The world turned once before I finally answered, and even that sounded strange.  
  
"He-hey. What's up... err..." Dear god, I'm stuttering. What is going on with me?  
  
"Nothing... just thinking." He stopped, almost shyly, as if afraid to tell me the next part. He took a breath, as if trying to say something important, but when he let it out, he stayed silent. "I was just wondering... don't take this the wrong way, but do you mind if I come over?" Huh?  
  
"Umm... sure. just give me half an hour to wake up and get ready." After a slight pause, I continued, taking a chance at talking with him, which I hadn't done in so long like this. "I spent the morning with Bou- Brendan-" I corrected myself quickly while he laughed at my minor blunder. "- And I got home a while ago and fell asleep."  
  
"Yeah, I heard Hayden- Chichiri to you- mention that you were exhausted earlier when over for a few hours." I nodded until realizing he couldn't see him, then stopped before giggling slightly. "So, I'll see you in... half an hour, right?" Agreeing with him, we hung up soon, and I got up from the couch, hurriedly picking up stray blankets and papers from the floor and table. From there, the kitchen was neatened to the point of being able to see my counter-tops, which were once littered with bills and letters from home. A quick glance around made me satisfied with what I saw, despite the fact that I knew I could do now, but it would take more time than I had.  
  
After I changed my clothes and took care of my bathroom (cleaning both it and myself quickly), I flopped back down onto my couch, turning the TV on, which was currently on the old movie channel, playing Guys and Dolls, something I've heard of, but never seen. Letting Marlon Brando's (absolutely gorgeous) voice fill the air, I put a few final touches onto my living room and kitchen, all the while zoning in and out, just listening to the almost completed story the movie presented. finally, when I heard the light pounding on the door, I turned from the sink slowly, knowing that the half-hour was up. Washing my hands off, I called over to the door, making sure it was him, just in case. When he relieved my fears that it wasn't him, I told him to open the unlocked door, which he did quickly. And there he was, standing at my doorstep, saying absolutely nothing. It stayed quiet, until, finally, he spoke, and breaking the silence code we made with our eyes when he walked into the door.  
  
"Guys and Dolls? Fun musical... movie took out too much, but it's still good." Wondering how he knew all of that, making him sound like a movie critic, he continued, his eyes never breaking contact with mine. "I was one of the gamblers when my high school did it. That was a lot fun..."  
  
"Anyone I would know?"  
  
"Benny." Ben- oh. I know who he is.   
  
From there on, we just watched the movie, standing from where we greeted each other. Every once in a while, I glanced over at him, who was currently mouthing the words to one of the songs being sung on the screen, and I smiled, slightly.  
  
"What year did you do the show?" He looked at me strangely for breaking the silence, and I repeated the question, resulting in a laugh from him before I received his answer.  
  
"Senior year. Everyone was in it..." He murmured names, from people I didn't know to a few of the seishi, who he apparently went to school with. He murmured small memories he had from practices, to which I half listened to as the movie ended with a double wedding.  
  
"So... You wanted to come over because..." Letting the question trail, I let him answer. He snapped out of his thoughts, and answered me with the smallest smirk on his face.  
  
"Just wanted to talk, nothing big. Do you mind?" Shaking my head, I flourished my arms, showing him the couch, to which he laughed and sat down. I sat down next to him, waiting for him to start talking, which he did.  
  
"Hey... before I start, do you mind going out for dinner later?" Most likely seeing my shocked look in my eyes, he hurriedly continued. "If you don't want to, it's fine. I was going out later anyways, and it's a lot better to go out with someone than yourself." Nodding to him, I agreed, knowing how lonely it can be to be alone.  
  
"I'll do it- as long as you talk fast. I'm hungry now." seeing his smile, I knew it was all right, and I let him talk, taking in ever word he had to say.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Call me evil. I ran out of ideas. But, you're kinda lucky I ended it there. They almost didn't go out to eat afterwards. And as for Guys and Dolls... My school did it the year before Fiddler (I didn't do it), I just saw the movie a few nights ago, and it's on the play list I'm listening to now. Yah...  
  
ingrid: Thank you so so so much!!!! I'm going to be modest and say that there are better people here than me, but I won't stop you from saying that I'm good. Thank you again!!!!!  
  
tamababymiko-chan: I think I may put in who it is next chapter... I may. Depends on if I can find a non-cheesy way to put it in. I know how to, it just sounds really corny. But thank you (yet again. I say that a lot, ne?). And you really do sound like me when you're confused.  
  
Phoe-kun and Leena: I'm good at this? I just type without thought (kinda like you said you do). But I didn't stick in Moulin Rouge for once! Instead, I did another musical! Be glad it's not Chicago... the one I just saw a few days ago (if I talked about how good that was, the review would be longer than the chapter itself!). But, again, thank you.  
  
SpaceVixon: Another person for Tasuki... huh? But thanks.. and I confused yet another person? I guess I'm good at that... didn't think I was!  
  
Jen: Thank you!!!! I might tell you next chapter- all depends... But thank you yet again!!!  
  
Thank you to all who read this, have a fun Easter, and may every new baby get chocolate éclair!! Haha... I love listening to music. But thank you again, have fun with whatever, and... oh well. Love ya all!  
  
~Frenchie 


	14. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Do not own.  
  
I should be working on my research paper, I really should. I have to make up about five assignments for it (since I just changed my topic) and keep up with my class, and I need to get my research done for it. But, ideas flew through my head, so I'll do both at the same time. So...   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Are you su-"  
  
"Don't worry about it! It'll be fine if you're here all night, let alone an hour. We'll be fine." And with that, he pulled me past the gate, warning us of a possible fate if we entered the tempting place I was currently heading towards.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"I've spent nights out here before! Nobody cares if you're here! Stop worrying! And, if for some reason something happens, I can take the blame!" He continued to pull me behind him, but as we crept further and further from his car, I began to worry less. I knew that with him I didn't have to worry... I never did. Why would I?  
  
Finally, he slowed down his pace and pulled me closer to him, rather than me an arms-length behind him. Nervously, I crept closer to him, the tiniest bit worried. When was the last time I was nervous like this?  
  
Slowly, we walked along, not saying much. All was said before, either at dinner or that so-called 'talk' at my house. I mean, sure, it ended up totally different from what I pictured, but he got his point across to me. And dinner too- entirely different from what I saw. But... I actually had fun with him tonight. Something I thought wouldn't happen since Taka left me.  
  
So, I guess letting him come over wasn't a bust. I mean, sure, everything took an unexpected twist at every turn, but I was happy. Just pure happy. I hadn't expected anything to happen today, but yet... Everyone, I guess, would expect me to be unhappy, yet I'm not. But I still miss Taka. I know it's normal... considering how he was the only guy (asides from Tamahome, but I don't think that really matters) I ever fell in love with. And you never forget your first love...  
  
And what am I saying? I don't always let my thoughts wander like this... do I? Maybe I do, but I don't get it. How can they wander so freely? People may not know what I think, but still...  
  
As I drifted from my thoughts to reality, I noticed we were slowing down. We, as in a single unit, due to the fact that he hadn't let go of my hand yet. I didn't mind at all. I don't know why... I just didn't. I hadn't felt this way around him before. Never. Was it because I had never worried about our relationship going any further than what it had been? I guess it must have been. Between everything he had said...  
  
"Hey, you in there?" Looking over at him, I nodded, smiling at him. For once, looking way up wasn't an issue with our almost similar heights. It was almost refreshing, in a way.   
  
We continued our quiet stroll, until we stopped, letting the gentle waves from the lake hit our covered feet. The almost midnight sky was illuminated with the twinkling lights from the stars, the moon missing from the serene scene in front of us. The warm water in front of us almost seemed to blend in with the sky, their colors almost perfectly matching. The only thing that didn't fit was the quiet, far off hum of a car every once in a while.   
  
As the minutes ticked by, the air grew colder, and the wind began to grow stronger than the gentle breeze from earlier. He must've noticed I was shivering from the cold, because after a moment, his arm was around me, shielding me from the cold. Accepting the gesture, I leaned into him, hoping that his warmth would somehow keep me warmer than I was now. I guess he knew that I was trying to warm up, because the arm around me tightened.  
  
We stood in front of the water as the air grew colder, the sky darkened, and the wind began to blow harder. I didn't notice it as much as I should have I think. All I knew was the warmth he had, and the gentle waves slashing at my feet, slowly crawling away, back from where the rest of the water flowed. The words I had wanted to hear for so long... ever since I realized how far his feelings went... hadn't come out yet, as we said nothing but look at the beauty nature had presented us at this dark hour, at least until the both of us simultaneously fell onto the ground softly, our feet now in front of us with the water no where near us.  
  
"Tonight's so pretty." Surprising even myself, I broke the tranquility of our silent code by speaking, making him jump slightly.  
  
"Yeah... I guess so. I've seen worse, but I've also seen better."  
  
"But it's fine now." He stared at me for the moment, and nodded.  
  
"That's true." The grip on my arms that loosened only seconds ago tightened itself around me again, and I panicked for only a slight moment. When it died away, my conscious died away too, all thoughts about Taka ceasing, just letting me live in the few moments I had been given for this time.  
  
As the time grew from minutes to- seemingly- forever, I realized how much this place truly meant to him. Everyone needs a space where they can just... well, be them, and this was it. I guess you can say I figured it out by the silence he normally hated was prominent, something I never really saw from him. He was always the energetic one, unless reason called for him to calm down from his exuberant personality. And I rarely saw that... only when someone ended up dying. But, him being here made him seem... more vulnerable, maybe? It's weird, but I never really saw a lot of emotions with him. The only time he really let something out was after-  
  
"Hey, I have a question." Looking over at him, I nodded, letting him speak whatever was on his mind. He hesitated, almost regretting saying something.  
  
"You can say it. I won't tell." He still hesitated, but I gave him the time he needed, waiting for him to speak.  
  
"What happened after- what did you feel after I..." He must have seen the look on my face... But then again, how could he not? He was what, two feet away? Is that why he stopped? But still...  
  
"We never... We didn't want you go to and... We never expect that to happen. We thought that we were invincible, and you went and proved that we weren't, that we were only human. And when I saw you, there, sitting... no, not sitting... You scared me! I was so scared that..." And I broke down there. My senseless rambling ended there was my sobs replaced them. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me, trying to relieve me of the tears that were started due to his stupid mistakes. He sobbed into his shoulders, trying to choke out words that refused to come out crystal clear.  
  
"Shh... I'm sorry."  
  
"But you... you really... I want to blame you, I really do. But it wasn't your fault. It was your stupidity... We missed you so much!" When was the last time I cried this hard? And hadn't I dealt with these emotions before. I thought that I got rid of these...  
  
"Shh... I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry..."  
  
"Sorry for what, curiosity?" As I regained control over my sobs, my thoughts of him, lying here, tainting the ice crystals around him, were slowly diminished, and I began to claim my body again, instead of letting the emotions I knew so well control me.  
  
"True... but I shouldn't have asked."  
  
"It's ok... We all need to deal with death someday."  
  
"And you've dealt with it more than anyone else I've ever known..." He shifted his gaze from my eyes to the serene water in front of us. "I swear, when I first saw you, I had no idea if you could've dealt with having the future of Konan in your hands, and having to save us. But you pulled it off, not that I was surprised. I knew, after I met you, that you would do it. I just didn't know how you would, considering the complications with Kutou." Hearing him say so much about me, commenting on how I acted less than ten years ago... I hadn't expected him to be so open with me. I knew about a few of the things he told me, but he told me more than I had known. Did I want to know them? No idea. I was beyond shocked, however, knowing how much emotion was in his voice when he spoke to me.  
  
"Thank you..."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"Feeling that way about me. Makes me feel loved." He smirked at me, and I saw amusement in his eyes when he turned back to me, his rosy eyes filled with laughter when they revealed the depths of his dark eyes.  
  
"But you are loved." He suppressed a laugh as gracile fingers wove their way through my hair. "How could you not be, with the looks you have, and the way you act. And with everything you do..." His eyes filled with more love than I had seen in them before, even that time he decided to fool me.  
  
"Don't... just please. Don't."   
  
"You won't get hurt. I promise." And with that, he silenced all thoughts in my head, bringing our lips together in a sweet, innocent kiss, once again. His hands, still wrapped around the strands of hair upon my head, brought us closer together.  
  
Slowly, he broke down my wall of resistance, as well as the wall of fear that I built up so easily, relieving me of all trepidation I had. Leaning into him, I poured into him the trust I felt for him, the friendship I always felt for him, but mostly the feeling of love that had quickly invaded my life. I felt him smile into the kiss, and I knew he had felt every emotion I knew at this moment. I knew what he felt, just as he knew what I felt. And for this moment, it was all I needed.  
  
When he drew away from me, reality hit me, and the sanity I threw out returned, causing icy cold fear to grab at my heart. The thoughts in my head collided and contradicted, both so different they refused to compromise with each other. But, as hard as I tried to push thoughts of him out of my head, I failed miserably when I let my eyes open, knowing that as long as I live, I would never, ever forget him, and the emotions which he so strongly presented.  
  
"We need to get back. I have work tomorrow, and I'm going to be asleep if I stay here any longer." Nodding at him, I let my actions speak for the words that refused to come out and say what they truly wanted to say. He stood up quickly, pulling me to my feet afterwards as if I was as light as a feather, holding me as if I was the most fragile thing he could come across.  
  
As soon as the car started, I noticed a change in the aura. The quiet we had earlier burst, and our talking never ceased. It felt like we were still young, as if the only worry we had were the same, insignificant things. But, every time I saw him turn to me, that thought flew out of my head, reminding me of how much he truly cared for me... And it made me wonder how deep my feelings for him were.  
  
"Hey, you're back." Glancing at the building I call home, I could almost feel regret building inside. I knew he didn't want me to leave, and I felt almost the exact same way he did. Bu, if I didn't leave now, then when would I?  
  
"Thanks for everything tonight. I think I needed a night out, and I really appreciate everything you did for me." I rid the car of the horrible silence that fell upon us when he announced our location, making it more uncomfortable than it had been all evening. I saw him open his mouth, but before words began to spill from his lips, I darted forward, wrapping my arms around him tightly while pressing a swift kiss to his lips. I let the kiss linger, until he pulled away, pressing a kiss to my forehead, before letting me go.  
  
I stepped out of the car, shutting it lightly, and walked away from his car, sensing the entire time that his eyes were on my back. Not that I cared. He was just looking after me, just as he used to long before I ever moved here, just as he does now, and just as he will do in the future.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I'm done!!!! I think you might figure it out from the hints I put in... but if not, I dunno. Reread and wait for the next chapter? No idea....  
  
I also decided that this is going to end soon. I know how to end it, and it'll probably end in a few chapters. And just so you know... I have no intention of turning this into a lemon fic. I have a few reasons (aka the notebook... don't ask), so don't ask for one. But getting back to the end... No idea. It's almost over tho. Less than five chapters.  
  
Touki Yume: I'm sorry for confusing you. I just wrote... and didn't bother to rethink about what I wrote. Sorry. And- again- thank you soooooooooo much for your idea. I really appreciate it, and it helped me clear my head. Thank you!!!!  
WeaselGirl: Thank you!!! I swear, every review I read makes me change my mind about who the 'mystery seishi' is, and your thoughts actually made sense. But, once again... Thank you!!!!  
Mad Squirrel: I'm sorry for making you go bald!!!! I'm really sorry!!! I hope this might have cleared up something. And I am seriously shocked when people say I have talent, cuz I have no idea where that comes from. I just write... herm... Thank you!!!  
Xanthe: Thank you for the names thing! I actually plan to use these names someday when I have kids... But I'm just wondering where Cedric (another fav of mine!) came from. And there is no way that the Seiryuu people are evil here. Except for Miboshi, I respect and feel so bad for the rest of them, and could never make them the bad guys unless it was in the series. And the twins idea did come from Suboshi (i think!). But thank you!!!!  
Phoe-kun and Leena: I'm sorry for a confusing opening! I don't know what happened! Hahah... yah. And with the musicals... I blame S-F for that. She's the Guys and Dolls freak... ever since we saw that musical.. Why we tried out for Fiddler. And... hermm... Thanks!!!  
  
Well... Bai bai!!! Thank you for all!!!  
  
~Frenchie 


	15. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Do not own anything mentioned or hinted at in this chapter. Sorry!   
  
Well... here we are again... And I finished the outline for the rest! This is one of the last chapters. We have this, and then maybe two more? I dunno... not a lot tho... less than three tho.   
  
Help with the names of Miaka's coworker's goes to Izumi, my now ESP buddy... whom I'm thankful for keeping me sane whenever I write. Thank you muchly!   
  
~~~~~~~~~~   
  
Oh God... not again. Please... don't remind me. I know that it's today, but please.   
  
However, life called out to me, again in the form of a radio playing, and I dragged myself out of bed, knowing today my mood would not be a happy one. That mantra was encouraged when my tired eyes rested upon the one picture that I considered ten times a day moving from my bedroom to another room, only to reconsider, and keep it there. I always wanted to remember the happiness from the past, but yet... the pain always remains there. It's always the same when you lose someone you love thought, right?   
  
Quickly, I ran around the house, still exhausted, trying to get everything ready for work so I could leave this place. Too many bad memories every place I turned to, and considering how I woke up, I didn't want to be near anything negative today. Especially since...   
  
The long shower I took was actually comforting. Usually, I wake up too late to take such a long shower, but today was different. I woke up earlier than most days most likely from not sleeping all night, due to the knowledge of what today might present, and water was a comfort at times to me. Besides, on the anniversary of my husband's death, you couldn't blame me for anything I did, right?   
  
While getting out of the shower was upsetting, I was out eventually, preparing for a long day at work, hoping nothing would be bad enough to send me into endless tears- which I knew I would do all day, unfortunately. I've been doing so much crying in the past... I just wish it would all end.   
  
Lately, however, I had been so much... Happier, people say. Even Yui-chan. thousands of miles away, even says my mood has been lifted from the angst I had months ago, to a mood that was much, much happier, even if it was years away to being close to where I was when I had Taka. But, she always says that it's a relief to hear energy in my voice again. I guess I can agree with her, but I don't want to, nor want the strength to do so. Especially today. Even just thinking of him brings the dark and painful memories I'd rather forget and never bring up again.   
  
Of course, we all know that won't happen.   
  
Finally, the sound I was waiting for was heard, and I raced to the door, not wanting to be late. Locking the door quickly behind me, it shut easily, and I stared into the face I'd come to know so well. The look on his face was slightly pained, as if he tried to hide such a wide range of emotions too painful to keep inside. Looking into his face was so painful, knowing his pain, knowing how much he was affected by someone who, in this life, he never knew. It was so painful looking into his eyes, seeing his pain and mine, mixed together, until you could no longer see the separate torment we each had, but they were as one.   
  
"Are you ok?" The simple words no one wants to hear, unless desperate. No one wants to hear them, for unleashing the pain they hold so near to the heart that must be recognized and told, just to satisfy the needs of the one who asked, can be more painful than any sort of physical pain.   
  
His reaction was typical for someone so unwilling to share the pain they felt. I was almost surprised at his reaction, and my heart instantly reached out for him, wanting to seal the pain that ached his heart.   
  
"Are you sure you're ok?"   
  
"Shouldn't I be saying that to you?" His left hand strayed from his side, and reached out to cup the side of my face in his hand. His eyes shown the concern I had grown used to so easily, and the pain in his eyes said to me all I needed to know.   
  
"I, I guess you could say that..." His eyes burned into the back of my head, searching my mind for the essence of my pain, as if wanting to help make me feel better.   
  
"Are you ok though?" The words I asked him were turned into words for me. Their meaning sunk in quickly, and refused to leave.   
  
"I..." The only word I got to, before the tears that had been avoided all morning decided to betray my thoughts and fall. He saw the tears falling, and his arms swiftly surrounded me, helping to control the dark thoughts running through my mind. The few words he muttered to me said more than what he intended to say, calming the tears that thankfully hadn't turned into sobs.   
  
"I hate to say this, but there was a good reason for picking you up for work early, and this is it. But we're still going to be late." He backed up a bit, his arms still around me, and stared into my most-likely bloodshot eyes. Wiping a tear away from cheek, he stared at me. "Ready to go?"   
  
"Yeah... Thank you." He stared at me protectively, making sure I was ok, then placed the most gently kiss upon my lips.   
  
"Then let's go."   
  
~~~~~~~~~~   
  
"Oh my gosh, sweetie are you ok?" Geez, not that question again. "You look like you've been crying!"   
  
"Damnit! Would you give the girl a break! She just walked in!" Life at the office is always the same: co-workers tripping, arguing, and laughing. Naturally, they began to argue over whether or not to see if I was fine.   
  
"Izzy, would you stop!" Mandy- who's been sticking up for me ever since I walked in- stood up, telling Izzy- who's been dreaming about helping people- to calm down. "If Miaka wants to talk, then she will. Wait- Julia! Don't-"   
  
Too late.   
  
And we wonder why we never get any work done here. We're either too busy gossiping about someone, getting Izzy to talk about her wedding- planning stages now-, or we're too busy falling and cleaning up the mess. And I've only been here less than five minutes, and we've done two of the three already: gossip (about me and the tears still imprinted on my face), and fallen (I blame Julia for that).   
  
"Oh dear, what happened here?" Abril and Lacy walked into the room, eyes wide, and understanding.   
  
"Guess."   
  
"Julia!"   
  
"What did I do, Scarlet?" Already a circus? Amazing. I love my co-workers, but they can run a circus easily if you give them an audience.   
  
Sitting down at my small desk, I watched the small group I had so easily befriended laugh at small things around them. They were all so sweet and nice, easily understanding why I didn't want to talk about my past, but kept telling me to tell them about my now-existent love life, which I did rarely. But whatever they managed to squeeze out of me always resulted in gushing for the rest of the day, and I'd rather not talk about what I did on my last date, for it always made me feel bad, like I had somehow betrayed Taka. But, you can never help who you fall in love with... right?   
  
Wait... love?   
  
"Miaka, are you ok? You went from smiling to shock." I turned to Aideen, who's silent voice kept the conversation between just the two of us.   
  
"Yeah... I'm fine..." Love? I'm not in love with him... am I? I mean, it feels like it's been forever since the night at the lake, even though in real life it hasn't been that long. But love? He may have been my best friend since I was fifteen, and he still is now... but love?   
  
"Are you sure? You look so much more pail than when you first came in!" I know why... I think...   
  
I love him... right? Do I? But how-   
  
"Girls!" All of us guiltily turned to our boss- the big one-, who was currently standing in the door, her foot tapping on the floor, gray eyes staring coldly at our antics. "Are we supposed to be working?"   
  
We all went back to work quickly, Izzy, Julia, and Scarlet going across the hall, Mandy sitting in the chair in front of Lacy's desk, and Aideen going back to her desk.   
  
"Hey guys, what's up?" In bounced two other people I work with- two of the most hyperactive people who work here.   
  
"Tabby! When'd you get here?"   
  
"Just a minute ago... Reagan took me to work." Scarlet and Tabitha got into a long discussion, which was just a noise to me. All I could think of was the last thoughts that ran through my head before my boss walked in. Love?...   
  
~~~~~~~~~~   
  
"Miaka? You in 'ere?" I jumped, hearing Galen's voice in my ear. I hadn't expected him to almost yell in my ear.   
  
"Geez, your name is such an oxymoron."   
  
"Wha?"   
  
"Galen, meaning calm. And calm, meaning silent." We all laughed at the image of our loud, bandit friend as silent, just as David had explained. Where he learned where Galen's name meant is beyond me. But, I couldn't see a silent Tasuki- ever.   
  
"Damnit David!" Galen's face turned a nice shade of red, as the rest of us laughed at the growing embarrassment Galen had.   
  
I actually don't know why I decided to go out today. I've been dreading this day for how long, and here I am, out with almost everyone, and laughing. I wouldn't have gone, unless my mind hadn't forgotten about today a week ago, when i said I'd go out to dinner with everyone. Why didn't I cancel like Shane did at the last minute? I'd rather be home, crying my eyes out, and wishing Taka was here, rather than here, and wishing to be home, instead of wanting to be with the friends I love so dearly.   
  
"Are you sure you want to stay?" I heard his voice, low in my ear. Turning to him, I saw the pure concern in his eyes that had bee there since this morning.   
  
I nodded at him, and he turned his gaze back to the table, where everyone (basically Galen) else was stating an opinion on something, trying to get their thoughts out, while Michael and Hayden were trying to stop him from being so loud.   
  
"Oh, would you knock it off!" Galen turned to his oldest and best friend, and the two began to fight just like they always did- aside from the banging one into a wall, or the other being flamed. Although it was refreshing to watch the two, it brought back the painful memories from the past that, right now, I'd be better off with. I blocked the tears from falling past my eyes- just as I had tried to do all day- but that didn't stop them from gathering in my eyes.   
  
I heard the table quiet down as I regained control of my emotions, and I quickly wiped my eyes, wanting to hide how much this one-day has hurt me. Sure, I could cry and let people know what I was thinking that way, but telling them what I feel in words is a different story.   
  
When we finally left the restaurant, after we all got over all the strange stares from everyone- something I've come to expect with going out with any of the sev- six- I've grown to love as family.   
  
"Dude, you tell her yet?" I heard that, and I almost swung around. I knew that Galen was trying to be quiet, but he failed miserably, and I heard him loud and clear. However... tell me what?   
  
I didn't catch the reply, but their glances near me gave me the feeling that I was the subject of their conversation. I didn't figure it out the rest of the night, nor brought it up... At least until I got home.   
  
"What were you and Galen talking about earlier?" He turned to me as we ascended the stairs, his natural chivalry insisting he show me to my door, although I had a feeling there was reason behind it.   
  
"Why do you want to know?" The stairs were climbed, and we walked towards my door, as I took out my keys. His eyes followed my motions intently, but then went back to my eyes.   
  
"You were talking about me, weren't you?" He stared into my eyes, and I stopped trying to unlock the door.   
  
"Your eyes are so bloodshot... How much did you cry today?" His eyes stared into mine, and spoke more than words could ever say.   
  
"I, I... More than I wanted to."   
  
"But, then again, who wants to cry?" His finger brushed gently under my apparently bloodshot eye, and his gaze never failed to leave my face. "I need to talk to you about something I learned earlier... I'd rather not do it today, but..." His other hand had reached behind my back, gently holding my hand, guiding it in the process of unlocking it. "... I think you'd rather it be now than later." Why?   
  
"O, ok..." I guess. Why am I so suddenly scared?   
  
He walked in, his hand still holding mine. Trying to rush him, find out why he was whispering earlier, why he was being so secretive, I impatiently waited for him to finally sit, just so the suspense that had built up since this evening could end.   
  
"I don't think you're going to be happy with this..."   
  
"Wh- why not?" Then he told me, and my heart stopped.   
  
He can't be serious... Can he?   
  
~~~~~~~~~~   
  
My last cliffhanger for this story... How I adore those things... And I finally came up with a name for Tasuki! Izumi (who's going to be mad at me later...) helped a ton with names. And I think it'll be easy for her to tell where the idea for the co-workers came from... heheheh...   
  
Touki Yume: Omigod, thank you!!!! I know that you were insistent on it being Tasuki, but thank you for your sweet comments! I really appreciate it! Thank you a ton!!!   
  
Phoe-kun and Leena: So, you're finally getting it?!?! Yays! And don't feel bad about not knowing who it was. You barely know the characters! But thank you for the comments! And I really agree with the lemons remark... I doubt I could pull it off.   
  
KittyLynne: Thank you! But one thing I have to say... I never saw Miaka as still having hope. Just a random comment I saw, but fun insight. And thank you (again!).   
  
Is there anything else? Herm... finals are coming up (blah), so updates might be scarce, if I decide to study for them (do I ever study?). Plus... ack... Going into my life story, but I'm close to failing a class *gasp!*, so I need to start concentrating on my work. So I'll do the best I can to update soon! But anyways...   
  
Heart you all!   
  
~Frenchie 


	16. Chapter 15 end

Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi. There.  
  
AAAAAAAAHHH!!!! I'm sorry! I could put up excuse after excuse after excuse, but I won't. All I'll say is that I hate this chapter because it gave me such a hard time. But, you be the judge. Was it worth of the two month wait?  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
"You can't! This soon? This isn't fair, springing this on you like this!" I jumped up quickly, pulled by my emotions, not wanting to believe what he said. I knew it was true; why would he lie to me with a lie such as this one? Plus, with the look in his eye... He means it. Every heart breaking word he speaks is the truth. A truth that I'd rather not face, just as he feels, I'm sure.  
  
"Look, I can't help it." His eyes stared up at mine, both of their violet depths filled with an endless surrender.  
  
"I know you want, but still..." I flopped back onto the couch, sinking into its soft surface. The cushions billow up around me, surrounding the two of us easily. "Do you have to go Ry?"  
  
"Can't get out of it, no matter how hard I try. And believe me, I did try." I sank deeper into the couch, moving closer to him, and he responded by wrapping a sturdy, yet willow-like arm around my waist.  
  
"When are you leaving?" He sighed, letting time tick by slowly before he opened his lips to answer.  
  
"Soon, and why bother talking about this? I sure as hell don't want to, and I know that you hate being depressed." He's true... Too true. I've been through so much during this short lifetime to last this one and more. And now...  
  
I listened to his wish of silence. Every emotion inside swam in my head, wanting to come out, wanting to express the depths of pain I was currently feeling. I couldn't say a word, however. How can you say what you feel when words cannot even grasp the full impact of any strong emotion?  
  
Exhaustion set in slowly, as I fought the emotions begging to burst forth, just as I always do whenever I feel the need to be quiet, to not speak my mind and say what I like. My head slowly connected with his shoulder, creating what I wanted: a substitute pillow. His arm, once around my waist, reached up to gently grasp the brown strands of hair upon my head. It was comforting, adding to the gentle aura surrounding us, giving me a sense of relief, of relaxation.  
  
"Tired?" My head moved slightly, and I knew he had captured the jest of the slight move I made. His reaction was to loosen the grip upon me he had, and I snuggled closer to the warmth he let off.  
  
"You really have to go?" I don't know why I'm using the word 'go'. It's not like he's coming back... I think. He might, but it's not likely. Not with what he's been told to do.  
  
"Can't get out of it." The dissatisfaction of what he was told to do shone through his voice, and I shut up quickly, not wanting to hurt either of us anymore. But, as the time ticked by us, and the precious hours we had left slowly disappeared, the questions piled up into my head, refusing to leave until they were answered.  
  
Finally, he stood, his small stature taking control of the room, his presence somehow demanding, and turned to me, his eyes no longer gleaming, unlike the usual spark they had.  
  
"It's late, and I know that you've got work tomorrow. Plus, I have to take care of stuff in the morning, so I can't be dead for tomorrow." His hand extended out, reaching for mine, which I gladly accepted. He pulled me up easily with slender arms, and refused to let my wrists go as soon as I was standing. He stood there, rooted to the ground, until his left hand left my wrist, and drifted up to my face, where it grazed the side of my jaw, making it's way up to my check, where it stopped, and remained. His sweet manner, and the way he looked at me, as if he never wanted to let me go, made something inside break. I hadn't wanted to break down, I didn't want to cry as hard as I was now, but I was.  
  
Falling into his arms, I continued to sob as I tried to reason with him every little excuse I could think of for crying so suddenly and harshly. He stood there, holding me tightly, listening to every pathetic excuse that rolled of my tongue, never saying a word. He stroked my head gently as words began to fail me, and every thought in my head began to twirl together, until I could not tell the difference between one thought and another. He wrapped his arms tighter around me when my grip increased, just to make sure that he wouldn't leave. He never questioned anything, but just held me there, waiting for the tears to calm down enough so that one little word that escaped his lips wouldn't make the tears, once again, fall down my tear streaked face.  
  
"Shh... Just listen to me now," he whispered into my ear gently. "I don't want to make you cry again, so please don't cry." He backed away for a moment, and stared into my tear-filled eyes for a moment, before reaching up and wiping away a solitary tear before starting again. "I don't care that you're crying. You've always cried. Even when I told you not to cry, you always did. So no excuses for me, ok?" I nodded, and he sighed, pulling me closer, until his head rested in the crook of my shoulder. I held him closer, just as he was doing with me, letting his warmth sink in, his love creep into my body, along with every other emotion he held deep within his heart. My tears that had slowed down earlier had stopped, and I was actually much more calm than I was only minutes ago.  
  
"Hey, Ry?" He nodded, and clung to me tighter. "Thank you."  
  
"For what?" He snuck a glance at me, and his eyes were filled with questions.  
  
"For everything." An innocent smile was sent his way, and, although his lips still remained in a frown, his eyes smiled back at me.  
  
"What is that, a goodbye?" He stood to his full height, his lips looming dangerously close to my temple.  
  
"No, never." His lips curved up, and he glanced down, looking deeply into my eyes. "I could never say goodbye to you," was whispered softly into his ear.  
  
"Then don't," he said softly, before pressing his forehead to mine and pressing his lips against mine, kissing me with intensity filled with affection and bittersweet sorrow. Returning the passion, I poured every emotion I could find within my heart into him, letting my actions speak for what I could not say. If possible, his already tighten grip pulled me closer, and he deepened the kiss, feeding me his adoration and sentiment.  
  
The chiming of the clock scared the both of us, and after sneaking a glance, I realized how late it was. Realization clicked in, and I noted that tomorrow- or rather today- I would be dead to the world, due to my lack of sleep, although mainly it would be from the future lack of Ry- the one who I had spent so much time with lately. I'm going to miss him so much...  
  
"Oh, don't start crying now on me!" He scooped me up into his arms, and fell backwards onto the couch, cradling me in his arms while my legs were thrown over the side of the couch. His arm drifted away from my side, and his thumb lightly brushed under my eyes, wiping away the tears I brought upon myself.  
  
"Can't you just stay for tonight?" He looked at me for a moment oddly, then nodded slightly.  
  
"Gonna make tomorrow harder... Plus you gotta get up early." His gentle teasing words made me smile, and I took pleasure in the fact that he could still make me laugh, despite any angst we would go through- or what we went through.  
  
"I don't care." I laid my head upon his shoulder, took his free hand, and linked it with mine, our fingers molding together as if they were one. As he yawned, I snuggled into his chest, and shut my eyes slowly, waiting for exhaustion to take me over. And, maybe for once, I was glad to fall asleep. He was there with me, and I knew he wouldn't leave, not after what I had been through; what he had been through.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Hey... hey, you awake?" I heard his prodding, and I knew that he was still there... Meaning last night wasn't a dream. That he's going away. That he's leaving me. Isn't that a great way to start a morning?  
  
"Mmm... I'm here." I heard his outtake of breath, and opened my eyes, my first vision of the morning being his relaxed face, despite his eyes being more tense than normal.  
  
"Good... I was afraid that if I couldn't get you up, then I'd have to either leave you asleep, or force you to wake up!" I saw his smile, the one he always wore, and knew that, despite his joking, he would never leave me. He couldn't leave me, nor would he ever without my knowing.  
  
"Well, I'm awake now."   
  
"So you are," were his last words before he leaned over and sealed his lips over mine in a sweet kiss. He pulled away moments later, and rested his forehead on mine. "Morning. You hungry?"  
  
"Of course I am... Why wouldn't I be?" He grinned, then stood up, taking me up with him. After setting me down lightly, he strolled over to the kitchen. However, his intention to cook (what had always been something he had always liked to do, from then to now) had been cut short when we both heard the ring of his phone. He dashed to get it, and as he spoke, each muscle on his face fell, and his eyes emitted so much angst and sadness from them. As soon as he hung up, he dialed another number, and woke up the person on the other line (who I later learned from the screams on the other line was Galen), asking for a ride. All the wile he spoke, his eyes remain locked upon me in an eerie gaze, as if afraid of what might happen in the future.  
  
"Where did you need to go? I could have given you a ride."  
  
"I don't want you crying all the way home."  
  
"I'm still going to cry, you know." He came closer to me, his gaze still locked upon me. He reached out for me, and I fell into his arms, holding onto him tightly.  
  
"I know you are. That's why I love you." Then all words ceased to be said as our goodbye began, my eyes sealed, but still seeing stars and dropping tears down onto my cheeks, his arms gently holding me with the amazing strength he possessed, and our lips never leaving each other until the doorbell rang, pulling us apart in a cruel twist of fate.  
  
"Don't cry... Please don't cry. I promise to come back as soon as I can." He smiled at me, and I smiled back, trying to listen to him. He grabbed his coat before giving me one last lingering kiss, then opened the door, preparing for him to slip from my fingers again. And once I did slip from my fingers, I fell to the floor, numb.  
  
"He's really gone."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Stupid doorbell..." The insistant ringing woke me up from yet another restless night of sleep, where all I do is turn over and wish I could fall asleep, but woke up in a flash, only to see my dresser staring at me, instead of his fading profile. For once, I didn't wake up from the same dream I dreamt every night. Even though my alarm was due to ring soon, I still wanted my extra few moments of sleep.  
  
However, after the bell rang three more times, I pulled myself out of bed, resigning myself to the fact I would have to give the extra time of sleep. I grabbed the spare sweatshirt I threw over the bedpost last night before I strolled into the kitchen, yawning as I pulled the giant sweatshirt over my head. Throwing the cluttered paper into the garbage, then kicking the pillow off to the side, just in case whoever was at the door ending up coming in, I moved what I could in the few seconds I could spare, hoping to create the illusion that my apartment was clean. I yawned again before walking over to the door, kicking my shoes to the side before unlocking it and opening the door with a flourish.   
  
However, once it opened, each hope in my body soared as my mind contradicted it, telling me I was still asleep, that it wasn't real. However, I didn't wake up when I reached for him, or when he pulled me in. I was still dreaming when he reached for my lips, murmuring my name lightly. I hadn't woken up when I placed my arms around his neck, pulling him closer than he had been as all those weeks went by slowly, each moment ticking by as if it had been a day.  
  
"I'm really not asleep, am I?"  
  
"No way in hell," he whispered into my ear, stroking my hair and holding my face within inches of his. "If you're dreaming, well..." He stole a kiss from me before answering; "I don't think dreams come this close to being so perfect." And with that, he captured my lips again, proving to me the truth of his words.  
  
"So you're home for good?" Forgetting everything- from the neighbors to my now ringing alarm clock- I concentrated only on him, his answer, his face. My gaze never moved from his eyes as he smiled, and gave me his answer.  
  
"Tell you what. I promise never to say these words again." He kissed me, then opened his mouth again, finishing his promise. "Darlin, I'm home."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Unless I add something else, it's over with. So, there you go. The end. Glad? Anways...  
  
Momiji-chan: Thank you!!!! And, I justify killing Tama because I respect him a ton, and I really can't see Miaka (whom I adore) without Tamahome/Taka. Too much love... And, once again, THANK YOU!!!  
  
Phoe-kun and Leena: I had to start somewhere, and plus the fic is angsty enough... Why not base the chapter on Taka's death? That's how I put it... And I've been realizing I've put in too much angst... I need to find more than one chapter where Miaka doesn't cry... I think I've gotten good with angst... Rambling! But thanks! And winged cats have got to be cool... They can fly!!! And thanks!  
  
Tamababymiko-chan: So, I kinda updated more than two months after I last did... Sorry! And it's Nuriko. **nod nod** but thanks!  
  
ingrid (Who's review refuses to show up!!! Stupid website and it's breaking down...): I make myself give up time for typing, instead of doing my homework. I hate homework... It's a wonder I'm not failing all my classes... Aaaaaaaanyways... Galen is Tasuki... I should make a dictionary for the people... But thanks for the review (as I mindlessly ramble)!!!  
  
Nadia: Thank you!!!! And the names are right. **nod nod** And I don't blame ya for liking Miaka and Nuriko... And the suspense I think was just so I could hopefully make people happy with their immagination, thinking Miaka was with Tasuki or Nuriko. Either that, or I was desperate for reviews... lol. And thanks you again!!!!  
  
Dictionary (pre se...) popped into my head. People are very much confused about people, so...  
  
Tamahome: Taka  
  
Hotohori: Shane  
  
Nuriko: I never named him, so I decided halfway through the chapter that his name shall be Ryder. **nod nod**   
  
Chichiri: Hayden  
  
Tasuki: Galen  
  
Mitsukake: Michael  
  
Chirko: David  
  
So that's that. Anything else... Ahh... THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR EVERYTHING!!! And a special thanks goes to Izumi and Rui (sex on a stick pirate movie!!!), who I bugged for two weeks, trying to fit in every little detail I thought necessary... I need to bug other people... But, the chapter turned out orf-tastic, ne? Anyone going to disagree with that? So, until I put up something else in the FY section (hope to God it's not as angsty as this... altho I very much doubt I'll stray from angst...), bai bai!  
  
~Frenchie  
  
PS: I'm curious and nosy... Who saw Pirates of the Carribean and agrees with me that Orlando Bloom's hat from the end of the movie is cool? No one agrees with me... 


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